Sunday, December 29, 2013

Week 8 Weigh In Results

I didn't think I was going to lose anything
this week.  In fact, I was afraid I was 
going to end with a GAIN.

TOM (Time Of Month) came to visit this week,
and brought a long a couple of pounds. 
Yesterday I was looking at a .4 increase,

I'm happy to say that this morning's 
Weigh In showed a 2.6 pound


Total Loss this month: 8.8 lbs
Total Loss so far:  36.6 lbs

I was hoping to lose about 10 pounds month.
Maybe when I start working out this January
I will see better results. 

But a loss is a loss, and even if it is slower than
some..... I'll TAKE IT!!

Saturday, December 28, 2013

My New Favorite Protein Supplement

I found a new favorite Protein Supplement!

 I struggled in the beginning after surgery to
find a Protein shake that I liked.  The protein
shake that I was drinking BEFORE surgery,
suddenly tasted AWFUL to me AFTER surgery.
I discovered the only kind of protein shake I could
tolerate was the Premier Protein shakes found
at Sam's Club (and I believe Walmart). 
Two weeks ago while I was at Sams
to get the Premier Protein shakes my
husband saw these.....
(Please excuse the picture, my camera
on my phone is broke and half of every
picture comes out blurry....)

The bars are 200 calories.
They have a pretty good flavor, 
and each bar has less than 2g of sugar,
and 20grams of protein!
I took some of them to work and have one at my 
desk for breakfast each morning in between calls,
and the rest I threw in the Freezer to keep at home.  
Being frozen, it forces me to take small bites and
eat it slowly.  YUM!! 
Although they only have 20grams of protein
compared to the 30 grams of protein in the
Premier Shakes, I never really LIKED the 
shakes.  So for me.... this is a happy alternative.

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Merry Christmas Eve!

Today is Christmas Eve and I had
 to work today. Blah. It wasn't quite so bad,
since we were able to leave at 2:00. 
I'm about to start making some
Peppermint Popcorn Bark
to pass out to family as Christmas Gifts
 at our family Christmas tomorrow. 
I thought Valentines and Halloween
were the "SWEET" Months....
The first of December, we all brought
 in stockings and hung outside our offices
or in our cubicles and throughout the month,
 everyone has brought in goodies to stuff our 
stockings with.  I left today with a stocking
 full of candy, which I will pass on to my
children's stockings tonight. And then today,
a co-worker brought in fudge for
everyone, another brought Peppermint Bark
and our Director brought in her famous Bark.
I ate just a little bit of the Director's Bark
to see what all the hub hub was about,
(and it was good!)
I tried eating just a tiny piece of fudge 
since I haven't eaten fudge in over 15 years
and used to LOVE the stuff, but it was WAY too sweet. 

At the end of the day, one of my co-workers
told me that she was reallystarting to see a
difference in me.  She said that every week
she notices a change and said she just
wanted to let me know she was proud of me. 
She said she sees the healthy choices
I am makingand the sacrifices and wanted
to let me know she was proud.
It made me feel good. 

Sunday, December 22, 2013

Weigh In Results - Week 7

I just finished my 7th week post RNY Gastric Bypass.
This week I was down -3.2lbs. 
Bringing my total loss so far to: 

Yesterday was my son's birthday,
and last night I had a little bit of his Cake.
It was a Blue Bell Cookies and Cream
Ice Cream cake we found at the grocery store.

I got a small piece, and only ate about half of it.
I should have only limited myself to a bite or
two of someone else's cake, because although
I didn't get sick, I did feel a little
nauseous afterwards.

I was worried that it might effect my weight loss
for the week as well, but my husband kept telling
me that I didn't eat enough of it to do anything. 
He made the comment: Just think of a few months ago.
You would have been able to eat two or three slices,
but tonight you had a few bites, and then you were done.
Luckily, he was right, and the scale was down a 
pound from the day before.  And it also made me
realize that where as before I had no self control 
when it came to things that I loved, such as sweets.
Now.... I can do without, and when I do indulge,
after just one or two bites I am satisfied.  
Just getting a taste is enough for me. 

Saturday, December 21, 2013

Company Christmas Party

Yesterday we had our Christmas Party. 
We went over to Homewood Suites where
we had H'ors doeurves and drinks.
There was imported cheeses, fruit, meats, dips,
grilled vegetables, sliders, and chicken quesadillas.
To drink there was Wine, Water, and Beer. 
Oh, and Hot Apple Cider.
I made a small plate of some of the veggies,
some guacamole dip, spinach artichoke dip, and
one chicken quesadilla.   I ate a little of each dip 
and had about three bites of my quesadilla, and I was full.
I wish I could have had a glass of wine, but knew better.
Instead, since I do not like water, I got a cup of Apple Cider,
until I realized Cider has sugar in it, and I was afraid I would
get too much and get sick.  So I only took a few sips.
The party was fun, but I must admit I felt a little awkward.
Everyone was all dressed up, drinking, relaxed, 
and having a great time.  I've never been great in social situations
anyways, unless it is with close  friends. 
And while I have lost some weight, I still have A LONG
way to go! But I did have several people comment that 
I was looking great, and they had noticed I had lost weight.
I guess with the wine and beer flowing, they lost some of 
their inhibitions and felt free to comment.
That was nice....

I look forward to next year,
when I have lost much more weight,
and I can really get dressed up...

Monday, December 16, 2013

The New "Normal"

This past week I was finally out of the Liquid and Soft Food stages.
Being on solid foods, I was able to eat pretty much
what everyone else was eating…. just less of it.
I no longer feel like a WLS “Patient“.
This is my new “Normal”.

My official “Weigh In” day was yesterday,
and even though I ended this week
 without a LOSS,
I’m not going to get down about that.
 I know I will have some weeks where I don’t lose,
and others where I have a big loss.
As long as I continue doing what I’m supposed to,
making good food choices, I know the weight
WILL come off.
AND....  this morning, the scale was DOWN a pound.

THIS is what I thought the Lap Band was
going to be like.
I wish I had just went with the Gastric Bypass
all those years ago, instead of battling with
the Band for 7 years.

Post Op Visit

My Post Op Visit:
From my first initial consultation, I was down 27 pounds.
They removed my Staples and said everything looked good.
I had one incision that was leaking after the staple removal,
but the doctor said it was fine and sent me home with extra steri-strips.
I had been having a lot of trouble with nausea and diarrhea on a daily basis.
It was not due to over eating, eating too fast, or eating foods that are not allowed.
I hadn't been able to experiment with food yet, because I was always feeling sick.
All I drank was water, but that made me nauseous too, so was not getting
in all my water or Protein requirements. 
The doctor said sometimes after Gastric Bypass
it takes your body a while to get used to things and that is probably
what was going on, but said he wanted me to go back on liquids
and if my stomach issues were not better in a week or got worse,
to let them know and they would do an Endoscopy
to see if there is any restriction at the incision 
where my intestines meet my stomach.
The doctor said sometimes this can occur, 
and if so, he would use a balloon to widen the opening.

The doctor also said to keep trying different protein supplements
(the protein supplements that I was taking before the surgery
 were making me nauseous) until I found one that
 would sit well on my stomach.
He did release me to go back to work that Monday.
Even though the recovery period took longer than expected,
and was very hard on me,  I do not regret my decision.
It was all worth it.

Gastric Bypass - Complications and Recovery

Monday, October 28, 2013 I had my 
Roux-En-Y (RNY) Gastric Bypass Procedure done.
The doctor had said before surgery, there was  a possibility
that once he got in, depending on scar tissue, etc.
he might have to just remove the Lap Band 
and then let my stomach heal for a few months 
before performing the Gastric Bypass.
Another possibility, he said, was that if my lower intestine did
not cooperate, and would not move up to where he needed it
to, that he may have to perform the Gastric Sleeve instead.
Once he got in, The doctor found that
 I had a Hernia in my stomach.

THANK GOODNESS he was able to 
go ahead and remove the Hernia, remove the lap band, 
AND he was successfully able to perform the Gastric Bypass.
I woke in recovery HURTING.  
I don’t remember much about it, but I remember
asking about my heart. My chest was hurting, 
and it scared me because it reminded me of when I went in for 
Gall Bladder Surgery, and woke up in the ICU
with my Chest hurting, and found out my heart had stopped.
I don’t remember what they said about my Chest hurting, 
but all had gone well.

I think the hardest part about my first two days post surgery
 was not being able to drink anything.  NOT EVEN ICE CHIPS!!
I never knew your mouth and tongue could get THAT Dry.  
It was awful.
I didn’t get hungry or crave food.  
All I could think about was a glass of
...and I don’t even like water.  LOL.

When I was finally able to drink and eat ice chips  I was so relieved.
Unfortunately, however, I was limited to 30ml 
(or 1 ounce) every HOUR.
So… as far as getting my thirst quenched 
and my dry mouth solved?  Not so much.
I went home on Wednesday, October 30th.  
We waited all day to see if I was
going to be released, and finally shortly after 6pm, 
we got the news I could go home.
Knowing I was going to have trouble sleeping in our 
bed due to the pain in my abdomen,
my husband had gone to the Habitat For Humanity Re-Store
and purchased a recliner for $50.00. 
There is no way I would have been able to lay flat.
I spent all my recovery time in that recliner.

The day after I was released was Halloween.
A relative took the kids Trick Or Treating and my oldest
daughter stayed home to take care of me.
My husband was going to return to work 
the next day so had gone to bed.
Late that evening, after the kids returned home,
I began to hurt worse than I had before.
The pain medicine I was sent home with 
really wasn’t taking the pain away, either.
I had just finished doing the breathing exercise
 they instructed me to do with the aspirator 
they sent me home with, so thought maybe 
I had swallowed some air and it was gas making me hurt, 
so I took some gas medicine.
A little bit later, I started feeling very nauseous.  
I took my anti-nausea medicine but it didn’t help.  
My daughter kept wanting to wake my husband up,
but I told her to let him sleep, he had work the next day.

Around 9:00pm I started throwing up 
and finally told her to wake Dad.
He called my Surgeons office, 
and was given the doctor’s cell number.
But the doctor did not answer and wasn’t  returning the call.
My husband said he would wait 30 more minutes,
then he was taking me back to the hospital.
But 5 minutes later I was throwing up again. 
He said “alright, that's it, Let’s go”.
We went back to the same hospital I had the surgery in, 
thinking that they would be better equipped, 
having my records, etc.

When I got there, the ER Doctor didn’t have any knowledge of
Gastric Bypass, and kept asking the same questions over and over.
The hospital began calling the doctor as well, 
but he was not answering for them either.
The tried numerous times to reach him.
Luckily, the ER Nurse had worked in a critical care unit
years ago at a Bariatric Center, 
and was familiar with Gastric Bypass.
He thought I was experiencing the “Dumping Syndrome”.
I told him I had been very careful not to go over my
1 oz of liquid in the allotted time, 
but he said sometimes it happens anyway.
They gave me two different anti-nausea medicines, 
but it did not help.
FINALLY, the surgeon called back, and said to admit me,
take me off all fluids, (not even ice chips) again, 
and ordered a CT Scan.

Fat Girl Vs. The World

Once the decision was made to have Gastric Bypass,
I then had to inform my family and work.
  I have only told my immediate family, 
and everyone has been very supportive.
  As far as work goes, I’m lucky 
in that my immediate Supervisor 
had Gastric Bypass done years ago,
so she understands and is supportive and encouraging.

When I first told those at work my FORMER Supervisor,
asked why I was doing something so drastic.  
She said “your still young, why don’t you just diet and exercise?”
  I told her that I have, and this has been a 20yr long struggle with me.
She then proceeded to tell me how she has lost 34 pounds,
and although it has taken her a year, she is “getting there”.
She told me of the changes she has made at home cooking, etc.
(all of which I made long ago)
and how she got her whole family involved
(which I have done as well).
  I explained to her that my weight and health had gotten to a point,
that TWO doctors suggested the surgery,
and that when discussing with the doctors and my family,
we all felt it was what was the best thing for me.
I know that she meant well, and she was nice about it,
but the whole conversation was humiliating, and I felt
like I was having to DEFEND my decision.
It’s different talking with someone who 
understands and knows my journey,
than with those who don't really know me at all.

  My husband was furious when I told him about it,
but I told him, that this was something 
I will have to deal with for the rest of my life.
Those who have never struggled as much with weight issues
as the morbidly obese do, just don’t understand.
So many people out there have such strong 
adverse opinions on weight loss surgery.
They think it is an easy out.
I would love for them to actually read about the procedure
and see just how far from EASY it is.

 I know that no matter how healthy I eat or
how much I exercise, 
and no matter how hard the struggle is,
there will always be those out there
that will credit it all to the surgery.
The surgery is not a cure all, or an easy fix.
We don’t get the surgery so that we can eat 
whatever we want or as much as we want.
Quite the opposite.

One of the side effects that most people
 have from the surgery, is that they can no longer 
tolerate sugar or fattening foods.
  We HAVE to eat healthy or we could possibly get sick.
The surgery is just a tool. We have to put forth the work.
We have to make healthy eating choices.
We have to exercise and make sure we get in
our water, protein and vitamins.

  Imagine for a moment, never being able to eat Birthday
 cake on your child’s Birthday.
  Never being able to sit down to a large dinner,
or eat all the foods and sweets you grew up 
with at Thanksgiving.
Not just for a few months or a year 
while you are on your “diet”,
but for LIFE.

  It is a sacrifice that we have to be willing to make.
And I decided that my life is worth it.

Why Gastric Bypass

The decision to have Gastric Bypass wasn’t an easy one.
Years ago when I first considered Weight Loss Surgery,
I didn’t even want to consider Gastric Bypass, 
it was too invasive, too drastic.
I went to a Lap Band Seminar, 
and the doctor that hosted the seminar
(and ultimately performed my Lap Band procedure)
basically bashed the Gastric Bypass, 
pointing out all the negatives.
And at that time, it was not done by laparoscopy.
You were cut wide open to perform the operation.
And I admit, I didn’t take the time to research
 the procedure on my own.
After sitting through the lap band seminar
 and hearing how GREAT and SUCCESSFUL the Lap Band was, 
 It was a done deal.

But obviously, the procedure didn’t work for me...

The Road To Obesity

I’ve been Fat for 20 years.
That’s HALF my life!! I just turned 39 in October.

Senior year, 1993, I weighed a whopping 109 pounds. 
I graduated in May and married my high school boyfriend that July.
As soon as we got married I started putting on weight.  
6 months after we married, I found out I was pregnant.
I was 19.

I BALLOONED during my pregnancy, 
gaining a LOT of weight.

I thought it was temporary and in no time
I would be back to my pre-pregnancy weight.

But…14 months after my son was born, 
I was still at 170lbs , and discovered I was pregnant again.
With that pregnancy I only gained 30 pounds,
putting me at 200 pounds exact when I was 
admitted for labor and delivery.
I lost 15 of those pounds after my daughter was born.
A year later, after just four years of marriage,
my husband left me,
 one month after my daughter turned ONE and
9 days shy of my son’s 3rd birthday.

After my divorce, I lost around 30 pounds, 
putting me at 155. I fluctuated there for a while.
A little over a year later I met and then married 
my current husband, and the love of my life.
While pregnant with my Third child, another son, 
I once again BALLOONED,
putting on a lot of weight. 

After he was born, I stayed right around 230lbs,
During my fourth and FINAL pregnancy, (another girl),
I  gained little and ended the pregnancy weighing
exactly the same as I did before carrying her, 
but WEARING a size larger.

From 2002 to 2007 I had many, 
many failed diet attempts.
 At one time, on the Atkins Diet
 I got down to 200 pounds even.
I weighed on that Friday, 
and then over the weekend I got off track
on the diet, and GAINED.  
A couple of weeks later, 
I once again got down to 200 but  then I stalled, 
and never seemed to have the same success as before.
With the scale not moving, 
It was harder to stay strict and on plan.
  I then very rapidly gained back all the weight
 I had lost plus some.

I joined a gym and started working out
 but the weight just did not want to budge.
I worked out every day for a while, 
but eventually had to quit the gym due to a hernia surgery I had.
In 2007 I decided to have the Lap Band procedure
 done after talking to some women at work that had gotten it. 
I had complications with my port,
and had to go in for a second surgery. 
I never lost much weight with the lap band,
and I had trouble eating almost everything.  
No matter how small of bites I took, the food got stuck.
Sometimes after eating I threw up right away, and other times,
it took a while as my saliva would build up in my pouch
and start coming up.
 I never lost much weight with the band,
  and stayed constantly hungry.
Eventually, I began to gain again.  
I finally just had all the fluid taken out.
During those years, at one point 
I remember thinking that I was
fat, would always be fat, and that is just who I am.

Over the years my weight just kept getting higher and higher.
In 2011 I finally found a diet that worked for me.
I started Medifast and in 8 months, I lost 85 pounds.
I felt great.  FINALLY, I had found something that worked for me!
But the diet is very expensive, and due to financial reasons
I could not afford to stay on the plan.

From August 2011 to October 2012 I slowly gained back
50 of the 85lbs lost.  Then in October 2012, I went back to
work after being a stay at home mom for MANY years.
I thought going back to work would be better, having
more control over what and when I ate. 
After all, I could only eat what I brought with me.
Every day for lunch I ate a sandwich, no chips.
Sometimes I brought fruit 
(grapes, cantaloupe, honey dew melon, etc.)
or carrot sticks to snack on.  
I did good.
But….. with working, and my daughters cheer, it was always
LATE before I would be able to eat dinner.  
I was usually starving by the time I got home,
 and everyone else has already eaten. 
So I ate things that were quick and easy.
I didn't eat large amounts, 
but my evening choices weren’t always the healthiest.
The weight started piling on.
 I never thought in a million years
 I would ever let myself get to the point I reached.
I felt defeated. 


My Dirty Little "Not So" Secret

It's been nearly a YEAR since my last post on here!

A lot has happened over the past year. 
And as I'm sure, many have guessed,
I gained ALL My weight back PLUS some!! 

I started blogging again this past September, 
but had decided to try starting a whole new Blog. 
Why?? I wanted complete anonymity.
One that was not linked with my personal email address,
or have my real name anywhere on it. 

I feel like my obesity is my dirty little secret
I try to keep hidden.
Obviously, those that know me personally and 
see my on a regular basis, know of it.
But there are those I went to school with
that don't know.
And I have always tried to be so very
careful of who takes pictures of me,
 TERRIFIED I will be "outed" 
and get tagged in a photo on facebook.

The only photos I have posted of myself
are Face shots from when I did lose weight. 

And then last May at my son's graduation, 
One of my ex-sister in law's, and former Best Friend
in High School posted a picture of me with her and 
her sister and tagged me in it titled "Together Again".
And even though I did not accept the tag, avoiding
it being posted on my wall, ALL those mutual friends that
we went to school with saw that picture on her wall.

One of my former classmates sent me a private
message on Facebook asking if I was pregnant.

I was humiliated.
I messaged back with 
"No....I've just gotten really fat".
He wrote back that he wasn't trying to be
rude, that he was just surprised because
I was never like that in high school.
I felt so exposed.

My "not so secret", secret was out. 

And now I have another Secret...