Monday, January 31, 2011

Week 4 Weigh In

I lost 1.5 pounds this week, bringing my total loss so far to 17.5lbs.  

I was a tiny bit disappointed, but after worrying so much earlier today, I was just happy to have a loss this week!

Since this was the end of week 4 for me, we also did my measurements. I was pleasantly surprised!  I lost 20.5 inches overall.  I lost 4 inches just in my waist!! 

I also purchased a Wii Fit today so that I can start getting SOME exercise in. I am hoping this helps with my weight loss.  

I'm going to get my husband to take another full body shot, and continue taking pics every 4 weeks.  When I get enough courage I will post them on here...... maybe when I have lost a bit more. :-)

And It All Came Crashing Down.........

Friday evening we made a spur of the moment decision to go out of town. My husband's grandmother is in a nursing home, and has not been doing well. We have been meaning to go visit for a while, but have never had the opportunity. My husband got home after 6 on Friday, and after feeding him dinner, and getting ready to take my daughter to Basketball practice, I realized since he was not working this past weekend, it might be a good opportunity to go visit. He agreed.
I called the coach to let her know that my daughter would not be at practice that night, or the game on Saturday then started throwing clothes together for everyone. I gathered up all my Medifast food to bring with me determined that I would stay On Plan all weekend.

It wasn't easy. While there we met up with several other family members at my Aunt's house. She was serving Barbecue sandwiches, and everyone brought a side dish to go along with them. It smelled and looked WONDERFUL! I had brought over a bag of Medifast Pretzels, and that is what I ate while everyone else enjoyed their barbecue.

My biggest problem throughout the weekend was getting enough water in... I failed miserably. I stayed strong throughout, not eating or drinking anything off plan throughout my stay. Not even the Brownies my step-mom made. Sunday morning, we woke early and my dad fixed bacon and egg sandwiches. I drank a Medifast Shake. We headed out, and went to visit My husband's Grandmother one last time, and wound up staying there longer than anticipated. By the time we left and got on the road, everyone was STARVING!!! We made it nearly home before my husband decided to stop to eat. By this time it was after 4:00.

My husband LOVES Seafood, and I do not. SO...... thinking ahead, I suggested eating at Red Lobster, because I knew it would be one place I would not be tempted to order something REALLY bad for me from the menu. There was only two choices for me that was not seafood. A chicken Cesar salad, or a glazed chicken breast over a rice pilaf. I WANTED the glazed chicken over Rice, but chose the Cesar Salad instead, trying to be good. I had every intention of telling them to leave off the dressing, but ... when it came time to order, I didn't. I ate less than half the salad, hoping it would not have too much of an effect on my weigh in today.

After we left there, we stopped at SAM'S CLUB, so it was a little after 6 before we arrived home. I was still starving. I ate a Medifast shake, and still had 3 more Medifast meals to get in before bedtime. I thought I would be in good shape, that I would eat every hour and half or hour, and I would be fine........ wrong.

I remained hungry for the rest of the evening.... really hungry. Not the bored, I need something to eat hungry, but the stomach growling and gnawing constantly hungry. After the shake, an hour and half later I ate a Medifast Bar. An hour later, I ate a bag of Medifast Pretzels. After that, later on, I drank another Medifast Shake. I was still soooo hungry. We are allowed an optional snack, so I ate some Medifast Ranch Soy Crisps. I still had that gnawing feeling of hunger, so I decided to fix myself some egg beaters and sauteed spinach. I reasoned with myself that I ate very little of my salad, and the chicken breast on the salad I did eat, did not measure out to be 6oz. So I fixed just a little bit of Egg Beaters with Spinach, telling myself that I was just making up for not getting a full Lean and Green Meal in.

Now I am so worried I sabotaged any weight loss I might have had this week. I fear that in one day, all progress over the week prior, may have come crashing down. I will weigh in tonight, and I am NOT looking forward to it. I learned in the future, NEVER skip my Medifast Meals!! I used to only eat once a day, but when the "meals" are small, once a day is not going to cut it.

If I did not lose this week.......or worse if I gained, I will be very disappointed and upset with myself. Especially after staying so strong and doing so well over the weekend, but I will not get discouraged. The weight is coming off...... I will stay on plan, and whatever I did not lose (or possibly gained) this week should be gone by the next weigh in.

I can do this...

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Drinking Binge

Medifast recommends getting a minimum of 64oz of water in each day.

This has always been a struggle for me.

I know that water is reported to help with weight loss and improve your skin or complexion, and I have told myself numerous times in the past that I HAVE to start drinking water..... but, I've never been a big drinker. (and I'm not talking about alcohol).

In the past I would have maybe 1 or 2 glasses of tea throughout the day, or I would open a can of Dr. Pepper, keep it in the fridge, and sip on it throughout the day. I have never liked water. My husband says I am crazy, that water has no flavor, but to me..... water has a "mineral" taste to it. In order to get any water down without gagging, it has to be ICE COLD! Even then...
I don't like it.
Since starting Medifast I have felt as if I have been on a daily drinking binge. Crystal Light Singles packets have been my hero! I add one packet to a bottled water, and thanks to Crystal Light, I have been able to get in my recommended 64oz of water each day.
Now, I add the packet to bottled water then stick it in the freezer for a little bit until it gets all slushy, then take it out and drink it. Yummy.
Yesterday I decided to up the ante. I will start getting in 96oz of water each day (which I manage to do yesterday), and see if that has any effect on my weight loss.

(Did I mention I have also kicked my Soda habit? I only drink diet soda now, and even then, not very often)

One drawback to the Crystal Light packets, however, is that each packet adds 10 calories to my daily calorie intake. I tried to make myself drink water without them, but I just couldn't do it. I still hate water....
I'd rather have the extra calories.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Week 4 -

Well..... yesterday I started Week 4 of my diet.  In 7 days I will have officially beat my record of lasting on a diet without cheating. 

I'm kinda proud of myself. 

I don't want to glamorize this program, and say it has been SOOOO easy...... but.........kind of........ It has.  I don't know if it's the program so much, as my Mind Set this time.  I am DETERMINED to take control of my life, health, and happiness.

I really like this program, because if you are addicted to food (which I obviously was) it helps break those addictions.  It really shows me what a portion size should be like.  It is teaching me not to skip meals.... to eat small meals throughout the day.  It is also forcing me to choose healthy dinners, and teaching me to like them.  I'm becoming accustomed to eating my "Lean and Green" meals, and look forward to them each day.  I can remember when dieting before, always "planning" to eat healthy meals, but after a few days, when it came time to cook something, the thought of baked chicken and green veggies DID NOT appeal to me.  So instead...... I would fix something really tasty, and of course fattening.  Now I even eat foods that I normally would have never even tried... like.... Garden Burgers and Egg Beaters! And I LIKE THEM!

This program is something that I would definitely recommend, but it is SO EXPENSIVE! If it were not for my Mother, there is absolutely NO WAY I could be on this.  I'm kind of afraid sometimes, that something might come up, and she will no longer be able to work there, thus..... no more discount.  And I know that eventually, I'll have to go off the program once I reach goal (and I WILL REACH GOAL).  But I know that it is possible to do this without Medifast.  Medifast just makes easier.  

But.... if something should happen, and I have to quit this program, I just need to remember what I have learned.  Eat 6 meals throughout the day,  5 small meals, and one larger HEALTHY meal. Pay close attention to my portion sizes, watch my condiments, and REALLY watch my carb intake. Eat lots of protein, keep an eye on calories consumed, and avoid all sugar.  Sounds complicated.....  (which is why I like this program so much.  The "premade" meals (bars, shakes, puddings, brownies, etc. make it simple). 

For the first time in 12 years or so, I feel HOPE.  I can see my way out of this hole I have dug myself and crawled into.  For the first time in 12 years........  

Monday, January 24, 2011

Week 3 Weigh In -

I weighed in tonight and I have lost another 2 pounds..... making a total loss so far of 16 pounds.

When I first got on the scale it showed a 3 pound loss, but my mom couldn't remember if it was an even number or not, so I had to get back on. Then it only showed a 2 pound weight loss. So I got on the scale a third time..... still only 2 pounds.

I was a little disappointed.... I was really hoping for 3, so for it to have been at 3 then gone down to a 2lb loss was very disappointing.

But the bright side is..........

Confession of A Food Addict -

Hi................  I'm a Food Addict............ least a recovering Food Addict.  I never thought it possible to be "addicted" to food, but.... thinking back on how I got here, it must be.  Because, really, what is an addict?  Someone habitually and compulsively repeating acts or ingesting substances involuntarily.  

While eating is a voluntary action....... I spent years "trying" to watch what I ate.  I made promise after promise to myself that I would eat better...... make healthier choices...... avoid sweets.... And yet, time after time again I continued making poor choices. I continued eating sweets, and fatty foods, hating myself for it, and knowing it was hurting my body.  

I'm breaking those addictions now.  
In the beginning, my body wanted to go through the motions I had trained it for so well.  Even though I was really watching what I ate, if I came into sight or contact with food that was not on my "plan", it took a conscious effort, not to follow through with the actions my body was telling me to do.... like licking the bowls, or sampling the food I was cooking.  It wasn't even so much that I craved the food.  It was more a feeling of "skipping necessary steps"....  

Imagine you have a job, where every day you perform a series of actions in the same order, over and over all day long.  In the beginning the steps are complicated, but over time you become proficient at it, and it requires no thought on your part at all.  You are like a well oiled machine.  After several years, someone comes in and tells you that there is a change in procedure. The first few steps are the same, but midway through, the pattern is changed.  You have to retrain yourself.  In the beginning, you might continue the old pattern, without thought,  and have to go back and correct yourself.  But..... in time, you will become just as proficient with the new procedure, or new pattern, as you were with the old.  This is kind of where I'm at.

I'm retraining myself.   

It's not going to happen overnight. But I'm learning....... one meal at a time.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

A New Favorite Lean and Green Meal -

I tried Spaghetti Squash recently for the first time. My mom eats it ALL THE TIME! I was at her house, and she fixed us her favorite Lean and Green Meal she survived on nearly every day while losing her 74lbs on Medifast. 2 Garden Burger Patties and Spaghetti Squash. YUMMY!!!! My youngest and my husband really liked it as well.

I have been eating the Garden Burgers already. I REALLY like those. I tried the Boca Burgers......YUCK!!! I like the Morning Star Garden Burgers SO MUCH BETTER!!

And the Spaghetti Squash was really, really good! For preparation, cut an X into the top of the Squash. Place on a Microwave Safe Place, and Microwave for 15 minutes. Then cut the Spaghetti Squash in half, and remove the seeds. Spray with "Butter Spray" such as I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT BUTTER, and sprinkle with Salt and Pepper. Easy, easy, and very delicious.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Lean and Green Meal - Eggbeaters

Yesterday I tried some Eggbeaters Eggs because I am allowed 2 cups a day for my Lean and Green Meal, and they are on the "Leanest Protiens List".   


I split the 2 cups throughout the day.   In the morning I sauteed some Baby Spinach in a small saucepan then added 1cup Eggbeaters.  For my evening meal I sauteed Baby Spinach, then added just a little bit of Yellow and Red Bell Pepper.  To top it off, I sprinkled a little bit of cheese (not much...) and it was delicious!!  I was pleasantly surprised.  I wasn't sure how the Eggbeaters would taste, but they were really, really good.  My husband tried some, and he loved them too. 

I will definitely be making these often.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Week 2 Weigh In

I weighed in last night and I had lost 2 pounds. I knew my weigh in would be on the low side because of my period. I was expecting it. But after such a big loss my first week, I have to admit it was a bit of a let down. As soon as my mom saw the number she said "Now don't get discouraged....." before I even saw the numbers. So right away, disappointment swept over me. But after getting home, I realized I really have nothing to be disappointed over! If I were on Weight Watchers, I would have been thrilled with a 2 pound weight loss.

My goal is to lose on average 3 pounds a week. I REALLY REALLY want to lose as much as possible by the time Cheerleading starts back up this year. I'm hoping to be selected as a Coach again, and I REALLY want to have made a huge difference in my appearance and energy level. Right now that is one of my biggest motivators. Cheer sign ups are usually in July. I keep thinking to myself if I can average a loss of 2 pounds a week, then by August 1st (right before our first game) I will have lost 56 pounds. That would put me CLOSE to "Onederland"(less than 2oolbs). If I average 3 pounds a week, I will have lost 84 pounds!! I will be well under the 200 mark!! I know it will not be easy, but I have seen several women on Medifast that have averaged 3 pounds, sometimes more.

I've got one more week, then I should be able to start incorporating exercise which should help me reach that goal. I have never been one to exercise, even when I was thin, so not sure how this will go. I'm hoping I can push through it. I told my husband I want to get the Wii fit game because it tracks how many calories etc. you have burned. I would also like to try the Zumba DVD's.

The Medifast Forum is FULL of successful women on the program, but there are also some that have not been able to stick with it.... I'm hoping I can stay strong and continue to stay on plan. And I really think I will. I finally have the right state of mind. I can see now how I failed to ever lose weight before because my mind was not where it needed to be.
I used to think it was impossible for me to lose weight. Nothing ever worked.... not even surgery. I thought I was a lost cause, I felt hopeless.

And now........... I know I can. Seeing is believing though, and I can not wait until the day I can look back and say I DID IT!!!!!

Monday, January 17, 2011

TOM Comes For A Visit - And I Keep My Sanity

I woke Saturday morning to discover TOM came for a visit (Time Of Month), and I feared for my sanity, and the sanity of my family.  You see........ PMS, CRAVINGS FOR SWEETS, and DIETS just don't mix.  I worried I might succumb to my cravings, or worse, take out my frustrations on my family.  I warned my husband a head of time that he may be in for a rough day.  I even thought about making a sign to wear that said "WARNING: DIETING WOMAN ON HER PERIOD. APPROACH WITH EXTREME CAUTION".  ;)    The warnings to my husband proved to be unwarranted. The "Sweets Cravings" never kicked in, which is a miracle, given my past history.  Even my feet didn't swell like they typically do.  Usually a week before and all during TOM, my feet and ankles swell up pretty bad. They Didn't!!  And the best part?
I survived the weekend remaining On Plan, and with my Sanity intact!!!

I weigh in tonight, and I'm worried that because of TOM, I may not have a weight loss this week.  I have read on the Medifast Forums, that a lot of women do not lose during their TOM, and if they do lose, it is minimal.  I'm trying to prepare myself so I will not be too disappointed at my Weigh In tonight. 

Wish Me Luck!!

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Commitment and Happiness

“There's a difference between interest and commitment. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when circumstance permit. When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses, only results.” - Author Unknown

I saw the above quote on a blog post today, and it really hit home.  One of the reasons why I think I have been successful so far to this weight loss program is because I am committedI do not accept excuses from myself anymore.

For years, I have struggled with my Weight.  I've been on diets, lifestyle changes, and times that I just didn't care enough to do anything.  I look at myself sometimes and I wonder HOW did I get here? HOW did I let myself get so out of control?

Here's How :
Next week vs. Today
I wish vs. I will
Occasionally vs. No more
Just this once  vs.  Never again
Who cares vs.  I care

I am making a commitment to myself.  I am committing that I will take control of my life.  I will get healthy.  I will wear sexy clothes.  I will play with my children.  I will no longer let anything or anyone else control my life.  I will not let anything keep me from my goal.  I will find my own happiness.  I will be more active.  I will live life to the fullest.  I will stop watching my life go by from the sidelines. I will get out there and be an active participant. 

For so long I lived my life always trying to please others.  Going above and beyond to ensure that no one was mad at me, everyone was happy.... but I never focused on my happiness.  What would make ME happy?  I'm not talking about self indulgence, but of basic necessities.  Every choice I ever made was with someone else in mind.  I never even CONSIDERED what I might want....

Did this lead to my love of good food? Was this the only thing I was doing "for myself"? Giving myself those moments of "instant gratification".   Eating larger and larger portions of what I loved because it was the only satisfaction I was getting?  ......... Maybe.

I was living my life in other's Shadows.  According to how I thought they wanted me to live.  Like a puppet on a string, I went through the motions of life at their direction.  The problem with this, is that when you live in the Shadow of someone else, you never learn how to be yourself.  I had no sense of Self Identity, and lost a sense of Self Worth in the process.  I didn't have dreams of my own, plans for my future.....  I let others make decisions for me.  In fact, I felt incapable of making decisions.  I struggled with even simple things.

When asked "Where do you want to eat?" when going to lunch with a friend, I was overwhelmed, and could never give an answer other than "I don't know" or most commonly "wherever you want to go".  When pressured to make a decision I became flustered, the only thoughts going through my head were..... "Where would they want to eat? What if they don't like Mexican? What is a safe choice? I know they like seafood, but I really don't like it. Maybe I could find something on the menu I could eat? What about Italian, do they like Italian? What if I make a bad choice, and then they feel obligated to eat there?" 

And you know what I learned? If we are not happy with ourselves, we can not make anyone else happy.  And it is not our "duty" to do so.  No matter how much we want to, we can not be responsible for anyone else's happiness.  We are all individuals, with our own thoughts, ideas, and goals,  whether we choose to acknowledge them or bury them deep within, keeping them hidden even from ourselves.  We can BRING happiness to someone else, but we can not be RESPONSIBLE for their happiness.  It is for each of us to find our own happiness.

Happiness doesn't grow on trees either.  We make our own happiness...... or misery.  We can focus on all the negative in our lives, and wallow in self pity and loathing, or we can find the things in life that bring us joy.  Things that we are passionate about, and hobbies that we really enjoy.  We can spend our free time doing things we love, or obsessing about the things we hate.  We can find all the flaws in our bodies, or we can embrace our individuality, and learn to love ourselves.  We can live our lives as we are told to, or we can live our lives as we want to.

While I still struggle at times with this, I do listen now to that little voice within and I at least take my wants into consideration when making decisions.  I can't always choose what I want, but I do acknowledge it, instead of suffocating it out.

Life is too short to live someone else's dreams.  And we only have this one life here on Earth. Why not enjoy it?

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

The Results Are In.......

The results are in........

I went tonight for my Weigh In...........and...................


I was SOO nervous before weighing in, and it was with great trepidation that I got onto the scale.  But I am so happy with the results!!!!

I know every week's weigh in will not be this much, but what a way to start!! 

13 more pounds and I will have it my first goal and will get my first Reward.  CAN NOT WAIT!!!!!!

How I Survived My First Week -

Today was my 8th day on Medifast.   I managed to stay OP for my first week!! Woohoo!!!!  Here are a few of the things that helped me stay that way.....

1.  Keeping my eye on the goal. Taking time every day, usually in the mornings, to imagine myself, in as much detail as possible... GOOD!! :)  Thinking of all the things I can do once I am at a healthy weight.  Like riding bikes with the kids,  roller skating, dressing sexy for my husband, and feeling sexy.

2.  Waiting until 9:00 to eat my first meal, then spacing my next two meals 3 hours apart.  This allows me to eat my evening meals closer together (every 2 hours) when I struggle the most with hunger.

3.  When DH eats popcorn while watching a movie, I grab a bag of Honey Mustard Pretzels.  No it doesn't taste great...... but I get to "munch" on something and not feel deprived or tempted to snag some popcorn. (as long as it is time for another Meal)

4.  Eating Pancakes in the mornings.  They are filling, so I stay full longer in between the meals.  I recently starting pouring the batter in my Waffle Maker, and I like it so much better this way.  I'm even starting to get used to the "eggy" taste.

5.  Eating a Soft Serve or drinking a Shake for my last meal of the day.  Pre-Medifast, this would have been a bowl of ice-cream, or munching on whatever baked goods or sweet snacks we had.  I SO look forward to this meal. 

6.  Reminding myself when cravings strike that by succumbing it will only be a few moments of instant gratification, followed immediately by a deep sense of guilt and regret that will linger in the form of worry until weigh in day.  But if I stay strong, and stay OP,  that craving WILL pass, the food will be there in the future, and the good feeling of staying OP will last throughout the week, making it easier to stay OP, and I will be that much closer to goal, and a healthier life.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Day Seven - I ALMOST Succumbed...

Just checking in for a quick post/update before Gregory gets back in here. We are about to watch another movie.

I am still staying OP!! Wow!! Usually by now I've already cheated a little.  Feels good to know I am staying strong. 

Today has been a GREAT day! We got SNOW!! that STUCK!!! We got outside today with the kids and played around in the snow with them.  SO MUCH FUN!!!

Later we all came in and I read while Gregory was on the computer.  We just watched the movie PANDORUM together and are about to watch another.  During the movie, I fixed Gregory some popcorn, and I grabbed a bag of Honey Mustard Pretzels.  Would I have rather had the popcorn? Absolutely!! But the Pretzels satisfied me.  I got to "crunch" on something while he munched his popcorn, so I didn't FEEL deprived.   When I first put the pretzels in my mouth, they had a good flavor, but as soon as you start chewing, the good flavor goes away.  But it turned out to be very satisfying.

I had a moment where I had already decided I was gonna splurge off plan.  You see, last year when we got some snow I collected some and made snow ice cream.  YUMMY!! Everyone was wanting me to make some more.  I set the buckets out, and was trying to convince myself for several hours that I didn't need it.  I had originally declined making any because I was afraid I would not be able to resist..... But DH said, how often do we get snow? When will we have this chance again? Once a year is O.K.  I didn't want to deprive everyone else, so decided to make it.  However, divine intervention SAVED me!!  My daughter went out to get the only bucket that was full, and accidentally dumped it all out.  So no Snow Ice Cream for anyone.  I was saved from MYSELF!!!

Goal Revision!!

I read a Blog Post today from someone on the Medifast Forum and she has 45 Pounds to lose.  She said that 45 was overwhelming to her so she is breaking it into 15 pounds 3 times.  For each 15 pounds she loses, she rewards herself.

It got me to thinking....... 156 pounds is HUGELY overwhelming.  Sooooo..... I'm breaking it into 25 pound increments, with maybe an extra small reward when I get below 200....

Starting weight 278
-25lbs =  253   Manicure and Pedicure
-25lbs =  228   Kuerig Coffee Maker
-25lbs =  203   $200 Shopping Spree
-25lbs =  178   Cannon 7D EOS SLR Digital Camera
-25lbs =  153   Hair cut, colored, and styled.
-25lbs =  128   Acrylic nails and Pedicure
-6lbs =    122 GOAL!!!!  $500 Shopping Spree!!

Day Six -

Day Six has come to an end, and I am still staying OP. 

Today was hard for me...... But only in the sense that I had trouble fitting all my meals in.  My youngest two children slept with me last night, and my daughter is a kicker.  I got kicked and punched all night long, and didn't sleep well.  As a result I did not wake up until 10:30, so by the time I got up and got everyone something to eat, then made my meal it was a little around 11:30.  (BTW - I don't know WHY I didn't think of it sooner!! I poured my pancake batter into my waffle maker and it came out great, slightly fluffy.  A lot easier and faster than cooking up the pancakes. )

My daughter had a basketball game at 2:00.  We left the house around 1:15 and didn't get back home until 3:00.  I ate a MF bar on the drive home.  Then at six I ate my L&G Meal,  and still had to get in 3 more MF meals for the day. 

I tried to space them at least a couple of hours apart, which resulted in me eating late, which I hate to do.  I was worried that eating late would hinder weight loss, but I was worried if I didn't eat ENOUGH throughout the day, it would do the same...... at least I have read that it will...

It kinda feels like I have cheated.....even though I have stayed OP.  Keeping my fingers crossed that I did the right thing.  I'll try to plan my meals out better tomorrow. 

On a good note, I am starting to feel better! I'm not as tired as I was in the beginning and even got outside and shot some hoops with my husband after the Basketball game. 

I still had some cravings today, but not as bad.  My husband was eating some chips this afternoon, while I was reading my book.  I've never been a big Chip eater, but the sound of him crunching the chips made my mouth water for some.  I did not give in.

For dinner I had bought some Meatballs that were on sale at the grocery store, and made my Crock pot Barbecue Meatballs for everyone for dinner.  (Everyone except myself, of course...)  I REALLY wanted to eat some of them!!!! But I didn't. 

All in all, it has been a pretty good day.  It seems to be getting easier.... Tomorrow will be day 7, then I will weigh in on Monday.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed......

Friday, January 7, 2011

Day Five -

Day 5 is here, and I have survived the week ON PLAN! Woohoo!!

Weekend is coming up and I know that will present a challenge.  The kids will be home, my husband will be home, and instead of bearing through seeing them eating 1 meal a day I can't have I will see them eating 3 meals a day plus snacks.....all of which I can't have.  Now one of those meals, I could serve them the same Lean and Green Meal I am eating, and maybe give them more options such as potatoes or something.... Wonder if my husband will be on board with that? LOL

I woke again today extremely thirsty, but no more stomach cramps or bouts of diarrhea. (TMI) But I still feel tired.  Not so much the sleepiness I had before, just my body feels tired.  BUT I am supposed to be taking vitamins, and I haven't been.  I thought I had some, but turned out I didn't.  So I need to get some this weekend and start taking them.  Mom said she took some of the gummy Prenatal Vitamins and a Fish Oil pill.  The Fish Oil pill is a requirement with this program.  The other vitamins are not required, but should help me.

I'm going to weigh in on Monday..... I'm excited and very nervous.  What will I do if I have not lost anything?............ Well, that is a rhetorical question. I will keep with the program and know that eventually it WILL start coming off.  I'm really hoping for a nice weight loss though.  I honestly don't see how I could NOT have lost weight.

This week is proving to me, that when I put my mind to something....... my willpower IS strong enough.  I hope that I can keep remaining strong.  I try to visualize myself at least once a day thinner.  Really fantasize about what that is going to be like..... try very hard to picture myself in a thinner body, and BELIEVE that it is coming. It helps motivate me and keeps me inspired.

Gregory and I used to have lunch somewhere together once a week, and I am really missing that right now.  (The food, that is.....)  But this is my addictions talking. I keep reminding myself that it is better to be healthy, than succumb to instant gratification, which really is what going off plan is.  Those meals are still my future. When I have learned more self control, when I have detoxified my body, and am healthy once again.

It is not JUST about being thin.  It isn't JUST about fitting into a smaller size, or not having to go to a PLUS size store to find clothes that fit.  It isn't JUST about sitting comfortably in any chair anywhere.

It is about living.  Being alive to watch my children grow. Being around when my Grandchildren are coming over for visits.  Being able to ride Bicycles with the kids, go ice skating with them, participate in sports with them.  It's about being able to dress sexy for husband.  It's about being able to kneel, squat, lie down, and get up quickly, comfortably, so that I can get the shots I want with my camera at Events. It's about not living in fear that my Heart is going to give out, afraid of strokes, heart attacks, or other Obese complications.  

It's about not worrying every time I feel a twinge in my chest if my heart condition has returned.  It's about not having to ride in the wheelchair carts at Walmart when I'm older and my knees have finally given out because of all the extra weight I'm carrying around, because if I don't do something about this now..... that is what I will probably have to look forward to in the future. 

And the list goes on..... The satisfaction I will receive for going off plan will be temporary, fleeting, followed by a strong sense of guilt and shame.  But the satisfaction I will receive for sticking with the plan will be long reaching, and will impact the rest of my life.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Day Four on Medifast

Day Four is here and I'm hoping it will be better than yesterday.  So far it is not looking like it will...

Stomach cramps woke me up this morning, and not the PMS kind.  I also woke extremely thirsty, which is hilarious really, considering how much I have been drinking lately.  Headache is still there, but that is typical for me.  Migraines run in the family, and I ALWAYS have a slight headache.  Sometimes it is just worse than others... I still feel a little bit weak today, hoping that goes away after I eat my first bar.

Yesterday was the hardest day so far, but it wasn't horrible.  Yes, I was tired and sleepy all day.  Yes, I did get hungry in between meals.  Yes, I did feel temptations to eat Off Plan.  BUT, it was mild, and not anything that I couldn't handle. And honestly... I have had worse days before I started Medifast.

 I can remember days of wandering the kitchen, looking over and over in the pantry or fridge for something to satisfy a "craving" I had... Finding something to eat, but realizing that wasn't what I really wanted, and so the wandering and searching and feeling like I "needed" something continued.  I haven't had that so far.

I switch between imagining myself losing quite a bit this week, and imagining myself not losing any or gaining.  I'm getting anxious for my Weigh In day to get here.  I have been tempted to try and peek at a scale, but luckily I do not have one here right now.  Several times I have thought about going over to my Mom's house (she has an awesome scale) and weighing......just to see.  But fear of finding out I haven't lost anything keeps me from doing it.  OR seeing a pretty good weight loss now, and finding it not as much on my actual Weigh In day.   So I will try to hold out and not ruin the surprise... :)

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Day Three -

This is my third day on Medifast.  I've been able to stay completely OP so far.  Not that temptation hasn't been there, but I have not had any SERIOUS cravings yet.  I had a moment yesterday, when I was dishing out Lasagna for the kids dinner, that I thought how nice it would be to grab a plate.... but it was a fleeting thought that passed quickly.  I never gave it any serious consideration.

Yesterday morning and afternoon were great.  I wasn't really hungry.  The pancakes I had that morning really filled me up.  As evening hit, I began to get hungry and stay hungry after my bar was eaten.  But that is better than the first day, where I had a nagging hungry feeling all day long. 

I now wait as long as I can in the morning before eating breakfast, then space my meals out every 3 hours.  This allows me to eat my last two meals 2 hours apart in the evenings when I struggle the most with hunger.  It seems to work best for me that way.  The first day I didn't do that, and I wound up eating some MF Soy Crackers as a snack.  Yesterday I did not need a snack.

So far today I have had a MF Mint Chocolate Crunch Bar, and I just finished some MF Pancakes.  I added a little bit of cinnamon, and 1tsp Baking Powder, but left out the 1/4cup Egg Beaters.  I did add a "splash" of Egg Beaters, (just enough to cover the bottom of the measuring cup, but WAY less than 1/4 cup) because without it the batter looked like water.  I chilled the batter for 30 minutes then made the pancakes.  They were pretty thin today.... but thicker than if I hadn't added anything. I was trying to avoid that "eggy" taste from yesterdays pancakes.  But after eating the pancakes today, I discovered that "eggy" taste I thought was from the Egg Beaters is just the way the MF pancakes taste.  They are not very good.  BUT they are filling, so I will continue to eat them in the mornings.

Today I have been having thoughts of some of my favorite foods, and feeling a little ..........nostalgic? Wishing I could eat them.  Typically this is when I would give in....... eat it "one more time" and decide I'll just start the diet "tomorrow"..... knowing deep down that it will be the same thing the next day.  But NOT THIS TIME! My mind is where it needs to be.  Focused on the Goal...the end result.... not on instant gratification.  I woke in the middle of the night to go Pee for the bazillionth time that day, and as I crawled back into bed, my stomach was growling over and over. For just a moment I felt sad and disappointed, knowing that come morning, all I would be able to eat is a "small bar".  But then I reminded myself that this is what it is going to take to lose weight.  I began to picture myself thin.  I told myself that this feeling means it's working..... and I was happy.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Goals and Rewards!!

I have been thinking for a while now about what Goals and Rewards to set for myself. 
Small attainable goals will help me keep the incentive.  156 lbs to lose is SO daunting!! But I know I can do it.  I will work towards smaller goals, and as each one is reached, I will be that much closer to reaching my ULTIMATE Goal of 122!

Goal 1 -  Lose 14 pounds or 5%. 
Reward - Pedicure

Goal 2 - Lose 29 pounds or 10%
Reward - Keurig Coffee Maker 

Goal 3 - Lose 50 pounds
Reward - Manicure, Pedicure, and get Hair styled. (highlights?)

Goal 4 - Reach 199
Reward - $250.00 Shopping Spree

Goal 5 - Reach 150
Reward -Makeover and $500 Shopping Spree

Goal 6 - Reach 122
Reward - $1,0000 Shopping Spree! And a day at a Day Spa!

Monday, January 3, 2011

Update - Day One

It is 7:31pm and I'm hungry, despite that, I've done really well today.  I've had 5 of my 6 glasses of water (although I'm drinking diet tea instead of water, it is allowed) and for dinner I had Chicken Breast with Taco Seasoning over salad and 1tbsp of Ranch Dressing.  I've managed to stay completely On Plan (OP) today.  WOOHOO!!

I went to the MyMedifast website to log my water and food, and realized I have only had 3 of my allotted 5 Medifast meals! No wonder I'm hungry!! So in a few minutes I am going to make myself a MF Soft Serve Shake (Yum), and then I can still have another bar before going to bed.

So although I have felt hunger today, it has not been bad, and I know it will get better after a few days.   I was told to expect to be hungry, tired, and irritable the first 3 to 5 days as my body adjusts.  

I went to the Half Price Bookstore this afternoon and picked out SEVERAL books to keep me busy using my gift card Gregory got me for Christmas.  These should help when my urge to snack or eat Off plan kicks in.   I can get lost in a book for a while until the urge passes or time for another bar.....

It is funny really.  I have eaten more today than I typically ever eat.  I think I'm feeling hungry only because I know I CAN'T go in the kitchen and eat what I want.  I've got a headache, but I've had it since Friday so can't really say if it is due to this diet, although I am told headaches are common the first week.

I'm now looking at the hunger feeling as a sign that it is working.  Kind of like the burning you get when you exercise telling you that you are working your muscles.... The hunger is my body's way of telling me that what I am doing is working.  No pain, no loss.  You get the picture.

I'll just continue to schedule out my meals every 2 to 3 hours and stay OP.  I'm anxious to see what the end of this week will bring.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed for a significant weight loss.....

And so it Begins........

I woke this morning smiling from ear to ear.  I felt wonderful
Not in an euphoric feel good kind of way, but in an INSPIRED, Determined,  
THIS IS IT!!! kind of way.....

I woke late...... 9:00am.  I took my Thyroid medicine, and had to wait 30 minutes before I could eat anything.  For my first meal I ate a Peanut Butter Crunch Bar at 9:30.  I have also been drinking Diet Citrus Green Tea.  Getting enough "Water" in is vital to success.... The Bar is rather small in size, but it does have a good flavor.  It wasn't the most filling thing, and now at 10:00 I do feel slightly hungry.  I set my alarm for 12:30, which is when I need to eat another MF Meal.  I'm trying to schedule my meals every 3 hours instead of every 2 so that I don't run out of meals too early in the day.  Evenings are usually my worst time of day....

I am soooo excited!! I know this is not going to be a "piece of cake", or easy by any means. 
But I have seen Mom's success. I have seen and read about the success of other women on the My Medifast Forum.  And I really feel good about this. I KNOW my turn is coming!! 

Mom said Medifast worked for her because it took away all the "freedom" that she had with Weight Watchers.  It was too easy to eat off plan, or cheat.  For her..... limiting her choices helped.  And maybe it will work for me as well.  My only "freedom" is my lean and green meal, but I know what I need to eat for that.  For the rest of the day I just have to choose 5 Medifast meals. Whether it is a bar, a shake, pancakes, etc.  I don't have to count calories,  make out meal plans, etc.  Somehow by restricting my choices, I somehow feel more FREE.  

Choices.........and New Beginnings

It is 12:23am, and I am about to turn in for the night.  I sit here on the computer, looking over the My Medifast website, drinking a Mikes Hard Black Cherry Lemonade as a last Hoorah.  It was left over from our Bonfire/Weenie Roast New Years Party. 

As I sit here, finishing this drink off, I think back on today and all the "last minute" things I have eaten, prepping for my Diet tomorrow........ or rather today, since it is after midnight......  and I am MISERABLE!  I'm stuffed!! at 12:26am, I am still feeling stuffed!  I didn't eat that much, but I did try to cram a lot into my night.  I had some Hershey's Chocolate, I had some Nachos with Avocado, and 2 Mikes. 

This miserable feeling is not a new one.  How many times over my adult life, have I felt this way?  Like a stuffed sausage.  In WHAT way is this a good feeling??  ...........  NONE!! So why have I done this to myself? Now and in the past? 

And the Nachos were not great.  The chocolate was not great.  The Mikes is not great.  

I'm so glad I have made this commitment to join Medifast, and do the program.  In just a few moments I will go lie down in bed next to my sleeping husband feeling fat and miserable.  But when I wake, I will be waking to a new life. New choices...... 

A New Me.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Tomorrow is the Big Day!!

Tomorrow I Officially begin the MF Weightloss Plan!!

I gained 3 pounds over the weekend! But after 2 parties and a last hoorah, I'm not too surprised.

I got weighed and measured today, so I know exactly what my starting point is.  I'm very excited to start the plan tomorrow, and take CONTROL of my life. 

I AM SOOOO READY!!  I look forward to seeing the changes this year is going to bring!!