I May Be Slow, But I'm Doing It

I don't work out NEARLY enough.  It is a major downfall I have.  I always have good intentions, but the follow through doesn't always happen.  I know if I start working out more, the scale will move more, and right now.... I REALLY want that.  I miss having those 3-5 pound losses (or more) every week like I did in the beginning.  Now, I'm lucky if I get a 1 pound loss lately.  I had one good 4 pound loss a couple weeks ago, but other than that.... it's been very slow going.  I finally forced myself to go for a walk/run yesterday.  I found this app a while back called Map My Walk that uses GPS to track your mileage and time.  Looking through my (very short) work out history on the app, I realized that even though these workouts are spaced way far out, each time I go for a walk/run I get a little faster.  It's not much... but seeing that made me SO HAPPY!! And Motivated to do more!  And even better..... the scale was DOWN 1.6 pounds this morning! 

I used to HATE running.  I couldn't have run if my life depended on it.  If I were in a Zombie apocalypse, I might as well have just laid down and waited to be eaten.  When I first started trying to "run" it was more of just an awkward walk thingy where I lifted my knees a little higher and swung my arms a little more.  But now, I can actually jog.  I'm slower than a turtle walking through molasses and I don't "run" as far as I would like, but.... hey, I'm doing it.  And looking at the results above, I'm getting better.  If I keep it up, eventually, I might just be able to beat that turtle. 

Morning Naked Weigh In: Week 32

Weekly Loss: .8lbs

Total Loss So Far:  69.4lbs

Morning Naked Weigh In - Week 29

TOM came to visit this month, so I wasn't expecting much of a loss..... and didn't get one.

Loss for the week: .2 lbs

Total loss so far: 65.8 lbs

Morning Naked Weigh In - Week 27 and Week 28

Week 27

Weigh in Results: +.8lbs

Total Loss So Far:  63.8

 

Week 28

Weigh in results: -1.8

Total Loss So Far:  65.6

Who Do I WANT To Be?

 Maybe it's part of getting older... or maybe it's a result of the surgery and the changes it has brought... but I find myself searching for who I AM.  Because honestly..... sometimes, I just don't know.  

 How much of my life has been wasted on "One Day...", "When I Lose Weight", "If I were skinny",  "If only".....   It feels like I've gone through life holding  down the "Pause" button, waiting for this or that to happen first.  But.... What would my life be like if there was NOTHING holding me back?   Not my weight, my self esteem, my insecurities... What if I didn't CARE what people thought of me?  What if I didn't have limitations on what I could  do.  What if I could go back to Graduation Day at high school, with my new sense of "Freedom", a little wiser than I was back then, carrying all the hope and belief that I did on that day of my future.  What would I choose to do? 

As I shed my excess pounds, I am also working on shedding all the other things that I have held on to that have kept me down. Because, let's face it, although my weight has made things more difficult for me... My weight isn't REALLY what has held me back all these years, but my own insecurities about it.  At social events I felt awkward, so I kept to myself.  I realize now that it wasn't THEM not talking to ME,  By staying off by myself, my entire body language was screaming BACK OFF.   When we went to the Lake, public pools, water parks, etc.  I could have gotten a bathing suit on and joined in. (Of course, I weighed too much for some of the water slides, but I could have joined in the Wave Pool and the Lazy River), but I was so embarrassed of my body, I refused to be seen in Public in a bathing suit.  So I wore Capri pants and a T Shirt over my swimsuit and stood around waiting at the end of each ride, sometimes for over an hour, for the my husband and kids to come out.  And it isn't my weight that has kept me from pursuing my dreams.... it's my fear of what others would think of them.   And now.... I've suppressed those dreams for SO LONG, I don't even know what they ARE anymore.   

MORNING NAKED WEIGH IN: WEEK 26

Down 1.6 pounds this week.
Total loss so far: 64.6 pounds!

MORNING NAKED WEIGH IN: WEEK 25

 

A little bit better loss this week.  Down 2.2 pounds.

Total loss so far: 63 Pounds

MORNING NAKED WEIGH IN: WEEK 24

 

Not much of a loss.  Down .6 of a pound. Ugh.

Sweet Freedom? I Think Not.

 

Before weight loss surgery, I was a LOVER of Blue-Bell Ice-Cream.  If it was in the house, I could not stay away from it. After the surgery,  I could no longer have it.  I missed Ice Cream.  One day, I tried a few bites of my husband's Banana Split, and although I only had a few bites, it was a few bites too many and I started feeling sick.  I didn't go into a full blown dumping episode, (I didn't throw up and my heart didn't start racing,  I didn't eat THAT much of it) but I did feel very nauseous.  I learned my lesson.

Then one day, while grocery shopping, I found the  SWEET FREEDOM no sugar added Ice-Cream at the Grocery Store.  I checked the sugar content and it looked safe, only 5 grams in half a cup. So, I bought it! That night, we all dug into it.  I got a small 1/2 a coffee cup size serving.  It wasn't great tasting, not like the real stuff, but it was OK.... it was cold, it was creamy... it would do.  Until the Diarrhea struck.  Within 20-30 minutes of eating the ice cream, my stomach started to cramp up, and I had to race to the bathroom with a severe bout of diarrhea.  I haven't eaten any of it since.   It is evil.

Morning Naked Weigh In: Week 23

Not a big loss this week, but still a loss:  -1.8 lbs.  I still haven't made it back into the gym, and until I do, I'm just not going to see any big numbers.  I was doing great for a while, but it seems once I stopped, it has been so hard to find that drive again.   So much has been going on lately... life is very hectic right now, but my gym is open 24/7 so there really is no excuse.  I know what needs to be done.  I just need to do it.

Daily Weighing - Pros and Cons

I'm usually a Daily Weigh-er.  

First thing in the morning, before getting into the shower, I jump on the scale and record my weight for the day.  I like weighing first thing in the morning, before I've had anything to eat or drink, butt-naked, because it takes a way a lot of the factors that can effect your weight, such as clothes and water retention. For me, Daily Weighing keeps me on track, I find I do better this way.  But I've heard of others that hide their scale during the week because they find themselves obsessing over the numbers.

Here is  a short list of PRO'S that I have found in DAILY WEIGHING.

1.  It gives me focus during the week, and is a daily reminder to eat right and exercise.  When I weighed only once a week, I found myself thinking "It's OK, I have the rest of the week to work it off". 

2.  I can see on any given day how the foods I ate and exercise I did (or did not do) that day effected me, such as water retention, etc. 

3.  When the scale is down, I am even MORE motivated that day to eat right and exercise.

4.  By keeping track all week, I have a pretty good idea of what my official weigh in will be on Sunday, so do not get that crushing feeling when it is not a good loss.  If it's been a bad week, I already know.

 And now for a short list of CON'S in DAILY WEIGHING

1.  It can lead to frustration at times because your weight naturally fluctuates throughout the week. 

2.  I've read other's say that they find themselves obsessing over the numbers on the scale, and would rather focus on inches lost. 

3.  Muscle weighs more than fat, so if working out a lot, the scale may be going up instead of down, even though you are losing inches. 

4.  When the scale goes UP despite eating right and staying on plan,  it may lead to frustration, and for some, make it easier to give into temptation.  At the same time, when the scale goes DOWN despite giving into temptation it may make it easier to go off plan, knowing last time you still come away with a loss. 

Morning Naked Weigh In: Week 22

Well, After a very disappointing MONTH last month
(See my Morning Naked Weigh In Page)
I'm pretty happy with this week's Weigh In result.
241.6 lbs.  That is a loss of 5.8 lbs for the Week!!
Total Loss so far:  58.4 lbs.

Morning Naked Weigh In - Week 17

What a STRESSFUL Week!!  Between an Emergency trip to the hospital with my husband,  Him off work all week, Lay Off's at my work, and a meeting to discuss this "critical period" at work,  I have been one stressed out Momma!  The scale shows it too....... I GAINED 1.4lbs.   Gotta get busy and hit the gym this week to work it off!  Weigh In results: 248.6 pounds. 

Morning Naked Weigh In - Week 16

This was a pretty bad week, weight loss wise, but I still came away with a loss. All week the scale has not budged, and then finally this morning it was down 1.2 pounds.  T.O.M showed up yesterday, so that may be why it is so low this week. 

NON SCALE VICTORY!!

Yesterday I finally bought a new pair of jeans since having the surgery in October! I've been wearing the same jeans I had before surgery, but they look really bad now, way too baggy.  They aren't falling off yet, but the legs and rear end just sag.  I bought a size 20 Jeans! And they fit great! At my highest weight I was in a size 28 and they were tight....  I have to admit, the thrill of fitting into a size 20 yesterday was greatly dimmed looking at myself in that full length mirror.  Seeing my clothes sag on me felt great, it showed progress!  But seeing myself in a pair of jeans that fit, really showed me how far I still have to go.... not just to goal but to just looking decent in a pair of jeans.  And I've got a belly roll above my jeans line that is still there, that really bothers me.  I put on my saggy jeans again after trying on the 20's and noticed that in those jeans too, the roll is there, I just chose to ignore it.   I was a little down last night...... but I'm feeling much more optimistic today.   I'm not going to get there over night.  And while..... 51 pounds is a lot to lose, when I have THIS Much excess weight, it's not going to have as great an impact on me as it would on someone with less to lose. My husband suggested taking pictures each month so I can compare, which I really should have been doing all along. 

NON SCALE VICTORY!!

Last night when I was getting dressed to go to the gym, I grabbed one of my old XL T-Shirts to try it on, just to see how close I am to being able to wear it again. Guess What!?  IT FIT!!!!
YES!!!  I was so excited!  Later, on the treadmill, when I started feeling self conscious in front of all the people there working out looking all cute in their workout gear, I reminded myself that I was wearing an XL T-Shirt!! And that is coming from a 3X!!  I may not look all cute in my work out clothes now, or even FIT into the cute workout clothes yet, but I'M ON MY WAY!!

Morning Naked Weigh In - Week 14

 

This was not a great weight loss week. My weight this morning was 252.0 lbs.  I GAINED .4lbs.  I didn't work out at all this week.  I haven't been feeling well, and never made it to the gym.  I'm going to have to do better.  Earlier this week each morning the scale was up a little until I had gained 3 pounds for the week, but beginning Thursday the scale started going back down, ending the week at only a .4 lb gain. While I'm disappointed to have not had a loss this week, I'm relieved that it wasn't a 3 pound gain or more like it was showing earlier this week.  Going forward, I can NOT let myself derail my work out efforts.  It's too easy to find a reason or excuse not to go.  I need to be going to the gym regardless of how I feel unless I'm running fever or puking.

Confession Time... Water

I have to admit....  I think my BIGGEST challenge

is getting enough water in.  This has always been an issue with me, not just since surgery.  First of all..... I don't LIKE

water.  In order to drink it, it has to be ICE COLD. Even then

I have to force it down.  Bleh.  I used to love the Crystal Light packets of Lemonade added, but since the surgery, I haven't really cared for them.  Any calorie free, non carbonated beverage will count towards my water intake, so I've been drinking the Diet Lipton Citrus Green Teas.  In the weeks following my surgery, it was the ONLY drink I found that didn't make me nauseous.  I can now drink other things, 

such as water without feeling nausea, but I still haven't found anything that I love to drink. But taste isn't really the problem here.  I just get busy and forget  to drink.  One 16oz bottle of tea will last me all day.  On a good day, I'll get in two 

of them.  THAT'S HORRIBLE! I should be getting in at least 64oz of water daily. Water is very important to not only my weight loss, but my health as well.  It is such a SIMPLE concept too.  Carry water (or other noncaloric beverage) with you all day long, and sip constantly.  Yet, here I am 3 months out still struggling with it.  I'd set an alarm on my phone as the Dr. suggested, but I can't have my alarm going off at work.  I've even asked a co-worker to remind me throughout the day to drink.  But ulimately, it is my responsibility, and I just have to find a way to get it in. 

Seven Bites Youtube Channel

It can sometimes be a struggle, especially in the beginning, to find

healthy recipes that allow you to eat a small portion and still get your

protein in each day.  Here is a link to a YouTube channel for Weight Loss Surgery 

patients that offers Recipes and Tips for your new tiny tummy.

Check it out! Seven Bites was created by a Mother and Daughter team that

have both had the Gastric Sleeve procedure.  (I went to school with the

daughter).  All their tips and recipes can apply to any type of Weight

Loss Surgery.  

Where The &^%$ Is My Hair Going!?

I knew this was coming. 

I knew to expect some hair loss

after having this surgery starting at

around Month 3.  

Well, here I am 3 months out, 

and Yep. I'm losing my hair.

Knowing it was coming did

not make it any easier when it arrived.

For most people, it is just a little thinning out,

and will soon grow back out, thinning hair but a memory.

But I've been experiencing thinning hair for the

past 11 years.  It started after my youngest (4th child)

was born.  It was a very slow gradual process,

and it seemed to have stopped.  My hair was still

really thin on top, but it seemed to be staying.

So for me to be experiencing hair loss again,

I have to admit... I'm scared.