Fat Girl Vs. The World

Once the decision was made to have Gastric Bypass,

I then had to inform my family and work.

  I have only told my immediate family, 

and everyone has been very supportive.

  As far as work goes, I’m lucky 

in that my immediate Supervisor 

had Gastric Bypass done years ago,

so she understands and is supportive and encouraging.

When I first told those at work my FORMER Supervisor,

asked why I was doing something so drastic.  

She said “your still young, why don’t you just diet and exercise?”

  I told her that I have, and this has been a 20yr long struggle with me.

She then proceeded to tell me how she has lost 34 pounds,

and although it has taken her a year, she is “getting there”.

She told me of the changes she has made at home cooking, etc.

(all of which I made long ago)

and how she got her whole family involved

(which I have done as well).

  I explained to her that my weight and health had gotten to a point,

that TWO doctors suggested the surgery,

and that when discussing with the doctors and my family,

we all felt it was what was the best thing for me.

I know that she meant well, and she was nice about it,

but the whole conversation was humiliating, and I felt

like I was having to DEFEND my decision.

It’s different talking with someone who 

understands and knows my journey,

than with those who don't really know me at all.

  My husband was furious when I told him about it,

but I told him, that this was something 

I will have to deal with for the rest of my life.

Those who have never struggled as much with weight issues

as the morbidly obese do, just don’t understand.

So many people out there have such strong 

adverse opinions on weight loss surgery.

They think it is an easy out.

I would love for them to actually read about the procedure

and see just how far from EASY it is.

 I know that no matter how healthy I eat or

how much I exercise, 

and no matter how hard the struggle is,

there will always be those out there

that will credit it all to the surgery.

The surgery is not a cure all, or an easy fix.

We don’t get the surgery so that we can eat 

whatever we want or as much as we want.

Quite the opposite.

One of the side effects that most people

 have from the surgery, is that they can no longer 

tolerate sugar or fattening foods.

  We HAVE to eat healthy or we could possibly get sick.

The surgery is just a tool. We have to put forth the work.

We have to make healthy eating choices.

We have to exercise and make sure we get in

our water, protein and vitamins.

  Imagine for a moment, never being able to eat Birthday

 cake on your child’s Birthday.

  Never being able to sit down to a large dinner,

or eat all the foods and sweets you grew up 

with at Thanksgiving.

Not just for a few months or a year 

while you are on your “diet”,

but for LIFE.

  It is a sacrifice that we have to be willing to make.

And I decided that my life is worth it.

Why Gastric Bypass

The decision to have Gastric Bypass wasn’t an easy one.

Years ago when I first considered Weight Loss Surgery,

I didn’t even want to consider Gastric Bypass, 

it was too invasive, too drastic.

I went to a Lap Band Seminar, 

and the doctor that hosted the seminar

(and ultimately performed my Lap Band procedure)

basically bashed the Gastric Bypass, 

pointing out all the negatives.

And at that time, it was not done by laparoscopy.

You were cut wide open to perform the operation.

And I admit, I didn’t take the time to research

 the procedure on my own.

After sitting through the lap band seminar

 and hearing how GREAT and SUCCESSFUL the Lap Band was, 

 It was a done deal.

But obviously, the procedure didn’t work for me...

The Road To Obesity

I’ve been Fat for 20 years.

20 YEARS.

That’s HALF my life!! I just turned 39 in October.

Senior year, 1993, I weighed a whopping 109 pounds. 

I graduated in May and married my high school boyfriend that July.

As soon as we got married I started putting on weight.  

6 months after we married, I found out I was pregnant.

I was 19.

I BALLOONED during my pregnancy, 

gaining a LOT of weight.

I thought it was temporary and in no time

I would be back to my pre-pregnancy weight.

But…14 months after my son was born, 

I was still at 170lbs , and discovered I was pregnant again.

With that pregnancy I only gained 30 pounds,

putting me at 200 pounds exact when I was 

admitted for labor and delivery.

I lost 15 of those pounds after my daughter was born.

A year later, after just four years of marriage,

my husband left me,

 one month after my daughter turned ONE and

9 days shy of my son’s 3rd birthday.

After my divorce, I lost around 30 pounds, 

putting me at 155. I fluctuated there for a while.

A little over a year later I met and then married 

my current husband, and the love of my life.

While pregnant with my Third child, another son, 

I once again BALLOONED,

putting on a lot of weight. 

After he was born, I stayed right around 230lbs,

During my fourth and FINAL pregnancy, (another girl),

I  gained little and ended the pregnancy weighing

exactly the same as I did before carrying her, 

but WEARING a size larger.

From 2002 to 2007 I had many, 

many failed diet attempts.

 At one time, on the Atkins Diet

 I got down to 200 pounds even.

I weighed on that Friday, 

and then over the weekend I got off track

on the diet, and GAINED.  

A couple of weeks later, 

I once again got down to 200 but  then I stalled, 

and never seemed to have the same success as before.

With the scale not moving, 

It was harder to stay strict and on plan.

  I then very rapidly gained back all the weight

 I had lost plus some.

I joined a gym and started working out

 but the weight just did not want to budge.

I worked out every day for a while, 

but eventually had to quit the gym due to a hernia surgery I had.

In 2007 I decided to have the Lap Band procedure

 done after talking to some women at work that had gotten it. 

I had complications with my port,

and had to go in for a second surgery. 

I never lost much weight with the lap band,

and I had trouble eating almost everything.  

No matter how small of bites I took, the food got stuck.

Sometimes after eating I threw up right away, and other times,

it took a while as my saliva would build up in my pouch

and start coming up.

 I never lost much weight with the band,

  and stayed constantly hungry.

Eventually, I began to gain again.  

I finally just had all the fluid taken out.

During those years, at one point 

I remember thinking that I was

fat, would always be fat, and that is just who I am.

Over the years my weight just kept getting higher and higher.

In 2011 I finally found a diet that worked for me.

I started Medifast and in 8 months, I lost 85 pounds.

I felt great.  FINALLY, I had found something that worked for me!

But the diet is very expensive, and due to financial reasons

I could not afford to stay on the plan.

From August 2011 to October 2012 I slowly gained back

50 of the 85lbs lost.  Then in October 2012, I went back to

work after being a stay at home mom for MANY years.

I thought going back to work would be better, having

more control over what and when I ate. 

After all, I could only eat what I brought with me.

Every day for lunch I ate a sandwich, no chips.

Sometimes I brought fruit 

(grapes, cantaloupe, honey dew melon, etc.)

or carrot sticks to snack on.  

I did good.

But….. with working, and my daughters cheer, it was always

LATE before I would be able to eat dinner.  

I was usually starving by the time I got home,

 and everyone else has already eaten. 

So I ate things that were quick and easy.

I didn't eat large amounts, 

but my evening choices weren’t always the healthiest.

The weight started piling on.

 I never thought in a million years

 I would ever let myself get to the point I reached.

I felt defeated. 

THEN…. 

YEAH BABY!!!!!

I found out last night I have been

selected as the HEAD COACH

for my daughters Peewee Cheerleading Squad!

I am SO EXCITED!!!!

and nervous......

Last year was my first year to Coach, 

and at 278lbs I was so self conscious 

about my body.   I always felt like I was 

being watched and judged. I thought parents

were probably wondering why I was selected as

one of the Coaches.

I couldn't even get on the floor and stretch 

with the girls.

It was my wake up call. 

Somebody Get Me Some Pain Meds - PLEASE!

I am SO SORE today!!

Last night after my 

daughters Softball game

a friend and I went to

the school track and 

walked for a few hours.

I have no idea how many

loops we made around it,

because we talked the entire

time which really helped the

time fly by.  Twice, we made

ourselves run.