Fat Girl Vs. The World

Once the decision was made to have Gastric Bypass,

I then had to inform my family and work.

  I have only told my immediate family, 

and everyone has been very supportive.

  As far as work goes, I’m lucky 

in that my immediate Supervisor 

had Gastric Bypass done years ago,

so she understands and is supportive and encouraging.

When I first told those at work my FORMER Supervisor,

asked why I was doing something so drastic.  

She said “your still young, why don’t you just diet and exercise?”

  I told her that I have, and this has been a 20yr long struggle with me.

She then proceeded to tell me how she has lost 34 pounds,

and although it has taken her a year, she is “getting there”.

She told me of the changes she has made at home cooking, etc.

(all of which I made long ago)

and how she got her whole family involved

(which I have done as well).

  I explained to her that my weight and health had gotten to a point,

that TWO doctors suggested the surgery,

and that when discussing with the doctors and my family,

we all felt it was what was the best thing for me.

I know that she meant well, and she was nice about it,

but the whole conversation was humiliating, and I felt

like I was having to DEFEND my decision.

It’s different talking with someone who 

understands and knows my journey,

than with those who don't really know me at all.

  My husband was furious when I told him about it,

but I told him, that this was something 

I will have to deal with for the rest of my life.

Those who have never struggled as much with weight issues

as the morbidly obese do, just don’t understand.

So many people out there have such strong 

adverse opinions on weight loss surgery.

They think it is an easy out.

I would love for them to actually read about the procedure

and see just how far from EASY it is.

 I know that no matter how healthy I eat or

how much I exercise, 

and no matter how hard the struggle is,

there will always be those out there

that will credit it all to the surgery.

The surgery is not a cure all, or an easy fix.

We don’t get the surgery so that we can eat 

whatever we want or as much as we want.

Quite the opposite.

One of the side effects that most people

 have from the surgery, is that they can no longer 

tolerate sugar or fattening foods.

  We HAVE to eat healthy or we could possibly get sick.

The surgery is just a tool. We have to put forth the work.

We have to make healthy eating choices.

We have to exercise and make sure we get in

our water, protein and vitamins.

  Imagine for a moment, never being able to eat Birthday

 cake on your child’s Birthday.

  Never being able to sit down to a large dinner,

or eat all the foods and sweets you grew up 

with at Thanksgiving.

Not just for a few months or a year 

while you are on your “diet”,

but for LIFE.

  It is a sacrifice that we have to be willing to make.

And I decided that my life is worth it.

I Came SO Close To Cheating

Our oldest two kids are at their Dad's house

for the first part of the Summer.

And our youngest two have been at their

Grandmothers house for the past week.

So we have been Kid Free for the 

first time in 12 years!!

They come back next weekend.

Since this was our last Kid Free weekend

in who knows HOW long, I wanted to do something

DIFFERENT. 

Something we would NEVER normally do. 

Something FUN and EXCITING!

 I had told my husband I wanted to do something

CRAZY.  

Like get drunk

and smoke cigarettes. 

But being on a diet...

Alcohol was out of the question.

And I don't smoke. 

Week 4 -

Well..... yesterday I started Week 4 of my diet.  In 7 days I will have officially beat my record of lasting on a diet without cheating. 

I'm kinda proud of myself. 

I don't want to glamorize this program, and say it has been SOOOO easy...... but.........kind of........ It has.  I don't know if it's the program so much, as my Mind Set this time.  I am DETERMINED to take control of my life, health, and happiness.

I really like this program, because if you are addicted to food (which I obviously was) it helps break those addictions.  It really shows me what a portion size should be like.  It is teaching me not to skip meals.... to eat small meals throughout the day.  It is also forcing me to choose healthy dinners, and teaching me to like them.  I'm becoming accustomed to eating my "Lean and Green" meals, and look forward to them each day.  I can remember when dieting before, always "planning" to eat healthy meals, but after a few days, when it came time to cook something, the thought of baked chicken and green veggies DID NOT appeal to me.  So instead...... I would fix something really tasty, and of course fattening.  Now I even eat foods that I normally would have never even tried... like.... Garden Burgers and Egg Beaters! And I LIKE THEM!

This program is something that I would definitely recommend, but it is SO EXPENSIVE! If it were not for my Mother, there is absolutely NO WAY I could be on this.  I'm kind of afraid sometimes, that something might come up, and she will no longer be able to work there, thus..... no more discount.  And I know that eventually, I'll have to go off the program once I reach goal (and I WILL REACH GOAL).  But I know that it is possible to do this without Medifast.  Medifast just makes easier.  

But.... if something should happen, and I have to quit this program, I just need to remember what I have learned.  Eat 6 meals throughout the day,  5 small meals, and one larger HEALTHY meal. Pay close attention to my portion sizes, watch my condiments, and REALLY watch my carb intake. Eat lots of protein, keep an eye on calories consumed, and avoid all sugar.  Sounds complicated.....  (which is why I like this program so much.  The "premade" meals (bars, shakes, puddings, brownies, etc. make it simple). 

__________________________________

For the first time in 12 years or so, I feel HOPE.  I can see my way out of this hole I have dug myself and crawled into.  For the first time in 12 years........  

I BELIEVE IN MYSELF.

Sometimes You Just Have to Eat Cake

I have NOT been doing well this week.

My mom sent me home with her White Peach Home-made Ice Cream, and I can't stay out of it.  It is sooo freaking good! Not to mention all the left over Chocolate Birthday Cake from Lauren's party.

Food wise, I'm not doing too bad.  There is one small piece of cake left which the kids will devour today, and maybe 2 bowls of the Ice-Cream left.  Once that is gone,  it will be better.

I did some swimming this weekend, but not the workout kind of swim.  I haven't worked on any cheers in a while.  With all the kids here, it was impossible to.  But I need to start working on coming up with some more cheers, which will be a good workout.  It was last time.

I'm not beating myself up about eating cake and ice-cream.  Sometimes in life.....you just have to eat Birthday cake.....Enjoy a bowl of ice-cream now and then.

Just..... not everyday.