Morning Naked Weigh In - Week 29

TOM came to visit this month, so I wasn't expecting much of a loss..... and didn't get one.

Loss for the week: .2 lbs

Total loss so far: 65.8 lbs

Morning Naked Weigh In - Week 27 and Week 28

Week 27

Weigh in Results: +.8lbs

Total Loss So Far:  63.8

 

Week 28

Weigh in results: -1.8

Total Loss So Far:  65.6

Who Do I WANT To Be?

 Maybe it's part of getting older... or maybe it's a result of the surgery and the changes it has brought... but I find myself searching for who I AM.  Because honestly..... sometimes, I just don't know.  

 How much of my life has been wasted on "One Day...", "When I Lose Weight", "If I were skinny",  "If only".....   It feels like I've gone through life holding  down the "Pause" button, waiting for this or that to happen first.  But.... What would my life be like if there was NOTHING holding me back?   Not my weight, my self esteem, my insecurities... What if I didn't CARE what people thought of me?  What if I didn't have limitations on what I could  do.  What if I could go back to Graduation Day at high school, with my new sense of "Freedom", a little wiser than I was back then, carrying all the hope and belief that I did on that day of my future.  What would I choose to do? 

As I shed my excess pounds, I am also working on shedding all the other things that I have held on to that have kept me down. Because, let's face it, although my weight has made things more difficult for me... My weight isn't REALLY what has held me back all these years, but my own insecurities about it.  At social events I felt awkward, so I kept to myself.  I realize now that it wasn't THEM not talking to ME,  By staying off by myself, my entire body language was screaming BACK OFF.   When we went to the Lake, public pools, water parks, etc.  I could have gotten a bathing suit on and joined in. (Of course, I weighed too much for some of the water slides, but I could have joined in the Wave Pool and the Lazy River), but I was so embarrassed of my body, I refused to be seen in Public in a bathing suit.  So I wore Capri pants and a T Shirt over my swimsuit and stood around waiting at the end of each ride, sometimes for over an hour, for the my husband and kids to come out.  And it isn't my weight that has kept me from pursuing my dreams.... it's my fear of what others would think of them.   And now.... I've suppressed those dreams for SO LONG, I don't even know what they ARE anymore.   

MORNING NAKED WEIGH IN: WEEK 26

Down 1.6 pounds this week.
Total loss so far: 64.6 pounds!

Morning Naked Weigh In: Week 23

Not a big loss this week, but still a loss:  -1.8 lbs.  I still haven't made it back into the gym, and until I do, I'm just not going to see any big numbers.  I was doing great for a while, but it seems once I stopped, it has been so hard to find that drive again.   So much has been going on lately... life is very hectic right now, but my gym is open 24/7 so there really is no excuse.  I know what needs to be done.  I just need to do it.

Morning Naked Weigh In: Week 22

Well, After a very disappointing MONTH last month
(See my Morning Naked Weigh In Page)
I'm pretty happy with this week's Weigh In result.
241.6 lbs.  That is a loss of 5.8 lbs for the Week!!
Total Loss so far:  58.4 lbs.

Morning Naked Weigh In - Week 17

What a STRESSFUL Week!!  Between an Emergency trip to the hospital with my husband,  Him off work all week, Lay Off's at my work, and a meeting to discuss this "critical period" at work,  I have been one stressed out Momma!  The scale shows it too....... I GAINED 1.4lbs.   Gotta get busy and hit the gym this week to work it off!  Weigh In results: 248.6 pounds. 

Morning Naked Weigh In - Week 16

This was a pretty bad week, weight loss wise, but I still came away with a loss. All week the scale has not budged, and then finally this morning it was down 1.2 pounds.  T.O.M showed up yesterday, so that may be why it is so low this week. 

NON SCALE VICTORY!!

Yesterday I finally bought a new pair of jeans since having the surgery in October! I've been wearing the same jeans I had before surgery, but they look really bad now, way too baggy.  They aren't falling off yet, but the legs and rear end just sag.  I bought a size 20 Jeans! And they fit great! At my highest weight I was in a size 28 and they were tight....  I have to admit, the thrill of fitting into a size 20 yesterday was greatly dimmed looking at myself in that full length mirror.  Seeing my clothes sag on me felt great, it showed progress!  But seeing myself in a pair of jeans that fit, really showed me how far I still have to go.... not just to goal but to just looking decent in a pair of jeans.  And I've got a belly roll above my jeans line that is still there, that really bothers me.  I put on my saggy jeans again after trying on the 20's and noticed that in those jeans too, the roll is there, I just chose to ignore it.   I was a little down last night...... but I'm feeling much more optimistic today.   I'm not going to get there over night.  And while..... 51 pounds is a lot to lose, when I have THIS Much excess weight, it's not going to have as great an impact on me as it would on someone with less to lose. My husband suggested taking pictures each month so I can compare, which I really should have been doing all along.