Morning Naked Weigh In - Week 14

 

This was not a great weight loss week. My weight this morning was 252.0 lbs.  I GAINED .4lbs.  I didn't work out at all this week.  I haven't been feeling well, and never made it to the gym.  I'm going to have to do better.  Earlier this week each morning the scale was up a little until I had gained 3 pounds for the week, but beginning Thursday the scale started going back down, ending the week at only a .4 lb gain. While I'm disappointed to have not had a loss this week, I'm relieved that it wasn't a 3 pound gain or more like it was showing earlier this week.  Going forward, I can NOT let myself derail my work out efforts.  It's too easy to find a reason or excuse not to go.  I need to be going to the gym regardless of how I feel unless I'm running fever or puking.

AHA! Moment of a Book Lover

I am an AVID Reader, I always have been.

  I absolutely love to read. It  is my favorite past time. 

I love getting lost in the pages of a really good

story.  Reading was an escape for me back when

 I was single on those weekends the oldest two went

to their dad's.  I didn't have many friends, having lost

them all in the divorce, and was never one to go out alone.

So I would curl up with a really big book instead. After

I remarried, and the youngest two came along, I never

had time to read anymore.  I still don't.  It is very rare that I get to sit down with a book and read. I desperately miss reading, so I've resorted to listening to audio books. I get one a month through Audible.com, and usually only get to listen to them during the commute to and from work. It hit me the other day, that I should start buying myself books more often, and listen to them while I'm working out. I think getting lost in a really good story will help to pass the time, and get my mind on something other than how many minutes/miles I've gone on the treadmill or bike. 

Morning Naked Weigh In - Week 10

This was a disappointing week.

Monday after my official Weigh In

the scale was up to 262.0.  Tuesday

it was back down to 261.0,

Wednesday it was 261.2, Thursday 261.2, 

Friday it jumped to 262.4, remained there 

Saturday, and this morning it was 261.4. 

So I walk away this week with a .2lb gain.

UGH.

I thought for sure I would see better results

this week.  I took healthy protein rich lunches, 

I didn't snack in between meals, and I did 

better about getting my water intake in. 

Still not enough, but better than I had been doing.  

AND I got in a short workout on Thursday, 

and my husband and I walked our butts

off yesterday... I was even sore this morning from

it.  I know this is to be expected sometimes, but

it is still a little frustrating.

5 Non Scale Victories So Far...

I'm finding it's the little things that occur

throughout a day that most would not think 

twice about, that really allow me to "see" that 

I have lost weight.

I don't see it in the mirror yet.

I know some changes have occurred, but

I get overwhelmed with the enormity of what 

I still have to lose, because in the mirror....

I'm still VERY OBESE. 

Here is a small list of the "Little Things" that 

have been an A-HA moment for me. 

5 Small Non Scale Victories....

1.  Yesterday at work I Had 3 people tell me 

it was time for new jeans. They said the 

ones I was wearing looked like they were about

to fall off me. 

2.  I don't have to put my car seat as far back 

in my car to keep my stomach from touching

the steering wheel anymore. 

3.  I was able to bend down and tie my own shoes 

the other day.  In public.  Without performing great feats 

of acrobatics.

4.  It is much easier to get my socks and shoes on.

5.  When I'm standing and look down,  It doesn't look 

like I have two rows of breasts anymore.

Morning Naked Weigh In - Week 9 Results

This morning I was down 2.2lbs for the week.

Not a big loss this week, but still a LOSS. Yay!

Weigh In results this week: 261.2

Total loss so far: 38.8 lbs.

Friday, I dropped a check off at the gym

to start back up my membership, 

so next week I start working out.

Hoping to see better results from here on out.

Week 8 Weigh In Results

I didn't think I was going to lose anything

this week.  In fact, I was afraid I was 

going to end with a GAIN.

TOM (Time Of Month) came to visit this week,

and brought a long a couple of pounds. 

Yesterday I was looking at a .4 increase,

BUT........

I'm happy to say that this morning's 

Weigh In showed a 2.6 pound

LOSS!!!

WOOHOO!!!  

Total Loss this month: 8.8 lbs

Total Loss so far:  36.6 lbs

I was hoping to lose about 10 pounds month.

Maybe when I start working out this January

I will see better results. 

But a loss is a loss, and even if it is slower than

some..... I'll TAKE IT!!

My New Favorite Protein Supplement

I found a new favorite Protein Supplement!

 I struggled in the beginning after surgery to

find a Protein shake that I liked.  The protein

shake that I was drinking BEFORE surgery,

suddenly tasted AWFUL to me AFTER surgery.

I discovered the only kind of protein shake I could

tolerate was the Premier Protein shakes found

at Sam's Club (and I believe Walmart). 

 

Two weeks ago while I was at Sams

to get the Premier Protein shakes my

husband saw these.....

(Please excuse the picture, my camera

on my phone is broke and half of every

picture comes out blurry....)

The bars are 200 calories.

They have a pretty good flavor, 

and each bar has less than 2g of sugar,

and 20grams of protein!

I took some of them to work and have one at my 

desk for breakfast each morning in between calls,

and the rest I threw in the Freezer to keep at home.  

Being frozen, it forces me to take small bites and

eat it slowly.  YUM!! 

Although they only have 20grams of protein

compared to the 30 grams of protein in the

Premier Shakes, I never really LIKED the 

shakes.  So for me.... this is a happy alternative.

Merry Christmas Eve!

Today is Christmas Eve and I had
 to work today. Blah. It wasn't quite so bad,
since we were able to leave at 2:00. 

I'm about to start making some
Peppermint Popcorn Bark

to pass out to family as Christmas Gifts
 at our family Christmas tomorrow. 

I thought Valentines and Halloween
were the "SWEET" Months....

The first of December, we all brought
 in stockings and hung outside our offices
or in our cubicles and throughout the month,
 everyone has brought in goodies to stuff our 

stockings with.  I left today with a stocking
 full of candy, which I will pass on to my
children's stockings tonight. And then today,
a co-worker brought in fudge for
everyone, another brought Peppermint Bark
and our Director brought in her famous Bark.
I ate just a little bit of the Director's Bark
to see what all the hub hub was about,
(and it was good!)

I tried eating just a tiny piece of fudge 

since I haven't eaten fudge in over 15 years

and used to LOVE the stuff, but it was WAY too sweet. 

At the end of the day, one of my co-workers
told me that she was reallystarting to see a
difference in me.  She said that every week

she notices a change and said she just
wanted to let me know she was proud of me. 
She said she sees the healthy choices
I am makingand the sacrifices and wanted
to let me know she was proud.

It made me feel good. 

Weigh In Results - Week 7

I just finished my 7th week post RNY Gastric Bypass.

This week I was down -3.2lbs. 

Bringing my total loss so far to: 

34 POUNDS.

Yesterday was my son's birthday,

and last night I had a little bit of his Cake.

It was a Blue Bell Cookies and Cream

Ice Cream cake we found at the grocery store.

SO GOOD!!

I got a small piece, and only ate about half of it.

I should have only limited myself to a bite or

two of someone else's cake, because although

I didn't get sick, I did feel a little

nauseous afterwards.

I was worried that it might effect my weight loss

for the week as well, but my husband kept telling

me that I didn't eat enough of it to do anything. 

He made the comment: Just think of a few months ago.

You would have been able to eat two or three slices,

but tonight you had a few bites, and then you were done.

Luckily, he was right, and the scale was down a 

pound from the day before.  And it also made me

realize that where as before I had no self control 

when it came to things that I loved, such as sweets.

Now.... I can do without, and when I do indulge,

after just one or two bites I am satisfied.  

Just getting a taste is enough for me. 

Company Christmas Party

Yesterday we had our Christmas Party. 

We went over to Homewood Suites where

we had H'ors doeurves and drinks.

There was imported cheeses, fruit, meats, dips,

grilled vegetables, sliders, and chicken quesadillas.

To drink there was Wine, Water, and Beer. 

Oh, and Hot Apple Cider.

 

I made a small plate of some of the veggies,

some guacamole dip, spinach artichoke dip, and

one chicken quesadilla.   I ate a little of each dip 

and had about three bites of my quesadilla, and I was full.

I wish I could have had a glass of wine, but knew better.

Instead, since I do not like water, I got a cup of Apple Cider,

until I realized Cider has sugar in it, and I was afraid I would

get too much and get sick.  So I only took a few sips.

 

The party was fun, but I must admit I felt a little awkward.

Everyone was all dressed up, drinking, relaxed, 

and having a great time.  I've never been great in social situations

anyways, unless it is with close  friends. 

And while I have lost some weight, I still have A LONG

way to go! But I did have several people comment that 

I was looking great, and they had noticed I had lost weight.

I guess with the wine and beer flowing, they lost some of 

their inhibitions and felt free to comment.

That was nice....

I look forward to next year,

when I have lost much more weight,

and I can really get dressed up...

Fat Girl Vs. The World

Once the decision was made to have Gastric Bypass,

I then had to inform my family and work.

  I have only told my immediate family, 

and everyone has been very supportive.

  As far as work goes, I’m lucky 

in that my immediate Supervisor 

had Gastric Bypass done years ago,

so she understands and is supportive and encouraging.

When I first told those at work my FORMER Supervisor,

asked why I was doing something so drastic.  

She said “your still young, why don’t you just diet and exercise?”

  I told her that I have, and this has been a 20yr long struggle with me.

She then proceeded to tell me how she has lost 34 pounds,

and although it has taken her a year, she is “getting there”.

She told me of the changes she has made at home cooking, etc.

(all of which I made long ago)

and how she got her whole family involved

(which I have done as well).

  I explained to her that my weight and health had gotten to a point,

that TWO doctors suggested the surgery,

and that when discussing with the doctors and my family,

we all felt it was what was the best thing for me.

I know that she meant well, and she was nice about it,

but the whole conversation was humiliating, and I felt

like I was having to DEFEND my decision.

It’s different talking with someone who 

understands and knows my journey,

than with those who don't really know me at all.

  My husband was furious when I told him about it,

but I told him, that this was something 

I will have to deal with for the rest of my life.

Those who have never struggled as much with weight issues

as the morbidly obese do, just don’t understand.

So many people out there have such strong 

adverse opinions on weight loss surgery.

They think it is an easy out.

I would love for them to actually read about the procedure

and see just how far from EASY it is.

 I know that no matter how healthy I eat or

how much I exercise, 

and no matter how hard the struggle is,

there will always be those out there

that will credit it all to the surgery.

The surgery is not a cure all, or an easy fix.

We don’t get the surgery so that we can eat 

whatever we want or as much as we want.

Quite the opposite.

One of the side effects that most people

 have from the surgery, is that they can no longer 

tolerate sugar or fattening foods.

  We HAVE to eat healthy or we could possibly get sick.

The surgery is just a tool. We have to put forth the work.

We have to make healthy eating choices.

We have to exercise and make sure we get in

our water, protein and vitamins.

  Imagine for a moment, never being able to eat Birthday

 cake on your child’s Birthday.

  Never being able to sit down to a large dinner,

or eat all the foods and sweets you grew up 

with at Thanksgiving.

Not just for a few months or a year 

while you are on your “diet”,

but for LIFE.

  It is a sacrifice that we have to be willing to make.

And I decided that my life is worth it.

Why Gastric Bypass

The decision to have Gastric Bypass wasn’t an easy one.

Years ago when I first considered Weight Loss Surgery,

I didn’t even want to consider Gastric Bypass, 

it was too invasive, too drastic.

I went to a Lap Band Seminar, 

and the doctor that hosted the seminar

(and ultimately performed my Lap Band procedure)

basically bashed the Gastric Bypass, 

pointing out all the negatives.

And at that time, it was not done by laparoscopy.

You were cut wide open to perform the operation.

And I admit, I didn’t take the time to research

 the procedure on my own.

After sitting through the lap band seminar

 and hearing how GREAT and SUCCESSFUL the Lap Band was, 

 It was a done deal.

But obviously, the procedure didn’t work for me...

The Road To Obesity

I’ve been Fat for 20 years.

20 YEARS.

That’s HALF my life!! I just turned 39 in October.

Senior year, 1993, I weighed a whopping 109 pounds. 

I graduated in May and married my high school boyfriend that July.

As soon as we got married I started putting on weight.  

6 months after we married, I found out I was pregnant.

I was 19.

I BALLOONED during my pregnancy, 

gaining a LOT of weight.

I thought it was temporary and in no time

I would be back to my pre-pregnancy weight.

But…14 months after my son was born, 

I was still at 170lbs , and discovered I was pregnant again.

With that pregnancy I only gained 30 pounds,

putting me at 200 pounds exact when I was 

admitted for labor and delivery.

I lost 15 of those pounds after my daughter was born.

A year later, after just four years of marriage,

my husband left me,

 one month after my daughter turned ONE and

9 days shy of my son’s 3rd birthday.

After my divorce, I lost around 30 pounds, 

putting me at 155. I fluctuated there for a while.

A little over a year later I met and then married 

my current husband, and the love of my life.

While pregnant with my Third child, another son, 

I once again BALLOONED,

putting on a lot of weight. 

After he was born, I stayed right around 230lbs,

During my fourth and FINAL pregnancy, (another girl),

I  gained little and ended the pregnancy weighing

exactly the same as I did before carrying her, 

but WEARING a size larger.

From 2002 to 2007 I had many, 

many failed diet attempts.

 At one time, on the Atkins Diet

 I got down to 200 pounds even.

I weighed on that Friday, 

and then over the weekend I got off track

on the diet, and GAINED.  

A couple of weeks later, 

I once again got down to 200 but  then I stalled, 

and never seemed to have the same success as before.

With the scale not moving, 

It was harder to stay strict and on plan.

  I then very rapidly gained back all the weight

 I had lost plus some.

I joined a gym and started working out

 but the weight just did not want to budge.

I worked out every day for a while, 

but eventually had to quit the gym due to a hernia surgery I had.

In 2007 I decided to have the Lap Band procedure

 done after talking to some women at work that had gotten it. 

I had complications with my port,

and had to go in for a second surgery. 

I never lost much weight with the lap band,

and I had trouble eating almost everything.  

No matter how small of bites I took, the food got stuck.

Sometimes after eating I threw up right away, and other times,

it took a while as my saliva would build up in my pouch

and start coming up.

 I never lost much weight with the band,

  and stayed constantly hungry.

Eventually, I began to gain again.  

I finally just had all the fluid taken out.

During those years, at one point 

I remember thinking that I was

fat, would always be fat, and that is just who I am.

Over the years my weight just kept getting higher and higher.

In 2011 I finally found a diet that worked for me.

I started Medifast and in 8 months, I lost 85 pounds.

I felt great.  FINALLY, I had found something that worked for me!

But the diet is very expensive, and due to financial reasons

I could not afford to stay on the plan.

From August 2011 to October 2012 I slowly gained back

50 of the 85lbs lost.  Then in October 2012, I went back to

work after being a stay at home mom for MANY years.

I thought going back to work would be better, having

more control over what and when I ate. 

After all, I could only eat what I brought with me.

Every day for lunch I ate a sandwich, no chips.

Sometimes I brought fruit 

(grapes, cantaloupe, honey dew melon, etc.)

or carrot sticks to snack on.  

I did good.

But….. with working, and my daughters cheer, it was always

LATE before I would be able to eat dinner.  

I was usually starving by the time I got home,

 and everyone else has already eaten. 

So I ate things that were quick and easy.

I didn't eat large amounts, 

but my evening choices weren’t always the healthiest.

The weight started piling on.

 I never thought in a million years

 I would ever let myself get to the point I reached.

I felt defeated. 

THEN…. 

My Dirty Little "Not So" Secret

It's been nearly a YEAR since my last post on here!

SHAMEFUL!!!

A lot has happened over the past year. 

And as I'm sure, many have guessed,

I gained ALL My weight back PLUS some!! 

I started blogging again this past September, 

but had decided to try starting a whole new Blog. 

Why?? I wanted complete anonymity.

One that was not linked with my personal email address,

or have my real name anywhere on it. 

Why??

I feel like my obesity is my dirty little secret

I try to keep hidden.

Obviously, those that know me personally and 

see my on a regular basis, know of it.

But there are those I went to school with

that don't know.

And I have always tried to be so very

careful of who takes pictures of me,

 TERRIFIED I will be "outed" 

and get tagged in a photo on facebook.

The only photos I have posted of myself

are Face shots from when I did lose weight. 

And then last May at my son's graduation, 

One of my ex-sister in law's, and former Best Friend

in High School posted a picture of me with her and 

her sister and tagged me in it titled "Together Again".

And even though I did not accept the tag, avoiding

it being posted on my wall, ALL those mutual friends that

we went to school with saw that picture on her wall.

One of my former classmates sent me a private

message on Facebook asking if I was pregnant.

I was humiliated.

I messaged back with 

"No....I've just gotten really fat".

He wrote back that he wasn't trying to be

rude, that he was just surprised because
I was never like that in high school.

I felt so exposed.

My "not so secret", secret was out. 

And now I have another Secret...

Daily Inspiration -

I am SORE today from my

workout yesterday....

and I guarantee I will

be even more sore tomorrow

since I worked out again today.

I did the same workout that

I posted yesterday. 

Although it hurts to walk,

go down the stairs, or even

sit on the toilet.

It is a good pain....

Because I know that

means what I am doing

is working.

And THAT makes it

WORTH IT!

You can see the workout HERE 

that I posted yesterday

and try it for yourself. :)

New Year Resolution...

It Hurts When You Fall.....

I was doing so good

for a while,

I was cooking and baking

and NOT sampling.

I avoided temptation,

and kept my focused and determined.

And then I fell off the 

Diet Wagon.

Hard.

Daily Inspiration...... Will Power.

So, SO True.....

Last night at 3:00am

I got up while the kids
were all sleeping
and made some
White Chocolate 

Covered Oreo Cookies,

and White Chocolate 

covered Pretzels to give

to the kids as Christmas gifts...

It was SO tempting to snag one... 

or two.

Just to make sure it tasted

o.k., of course ;)

Weigh In - Round 2 Week 2

I lost 3.2 lbs this week.

Woohoo!!

I'm not sure how this coming

week's weigh in will turn out...

I haven't decided if I will

stay completely on plan on

Christmas Day or not...

IF I do go off plan for the day

it will ONLY be for that 1 day.

I just can't let that 1 day

turn into 1 week.....

Mom said they are telling their

Medifast patients the same thing...

Basically, enjoy your Holiday, if 

you decide to eat Christmas Dinner 

with your family, don't beat 

yourself up over it, just 

get right back on plan the 

next day.

Slowing Down.....

My Weight Loss has started

to slow down..... which

I knew would happen.

But I still should come 

out this week with a 

pretty decent weight loss.  

 

Slowly but surely........

The best way to do it

I suppose. 

At least, that is

what I have been told. ;)