I May Be Slow, But I'm Doing It

I don't work out NEARLY enough.  It is a major downfall I have.  I always have good intentions, but the follow through doesn't always happen.  I know if I start working out more, the scale will move more, and right now.... I REALLY want that.  I miss having those 3-5 pound losses (or more) every week like I did in the beginning.  Now, I'm lucky if I get a 1 pound loss lately.  I had one good 4 pound loss a couple weeks ago, but other than that.... it's been very slow going.  I finally forced myself to go for a walk/run yesterday.  I found this app a while back called Map My Walk that uses GPS to track your mileage and time.  Looking through my (very short) work out history on the app, I realized that even though these workouts are spaced way far out, each time I go for a walk/run I get a little faster.  It's not much... but seeing that made me SO HAPPY!! And Motivated to do more!  And even better..... the scale was DOWN 1.6 pounds this morning! 

I used to HATE running.  I couldn't have run if my life depended on it.  If I were in a Zombie apocalypse, I might as well have just laid down and waited to be eaten.  When I first started trying to "run" it was more of just an awkward walk thingy where I lifted my knees a little higher and swung my arms a little more.  But now, I can actually jog.  I'm slower than a turtle walking through molasses and I don't "run" as far as I would like, but.... hey, I'm doing it.  And looking at the results above, I'm getting better.  If I keep it up, eventually, I might just be able to beat that turtle. 

Morning Naked Weigh In - Week 34

WooHoo!! Finally a Good Loss!!

Total for the week: -4.4 pounds

Total Lost So Far: 73 Pounds

Morning Naked Weigh In - Week 33

Weigh In Resutls - + .4 pounds

Total Loss so far: 68.6 pounds

 

This was not a good week for me,

BUT I was on my period for weigh in

and my feet and ankles have been swelling

a lot all week.  Hoping that is why such poor results.

Knowing When To Stop

One of the hardest things for me to learn since having my Gastric Bypass surgery has been WHEN TO STOP eating, ESPECIALLY if what I'm eating is very good. I think this issue is one of the leading causes to me being SO overweight.
I don't eat anywhere near the amount I used to eat, but I still catch myself saying "one more bite" especially if it's really yummy, usually regretting that decision immediately. Sometimes I'll eat until I'm full, and stop like a good girl, but as I sit at the table and everyone else is still eating I continue to "pick" at my food until everyone else is done, eating more than I originally intended.
This is such a dangerous habit that needs to be broken. By pushing the limit I know I can, and eventually will, stretch out my stomach, and I do NOT want that to happen. I must learn to slow waaay down and really pay attention and STOP at that "satisfied" moment EVERY time. I don't have to eat until I'm "full". I did NOT get this surgery and go through all that I've been through to wind up remaining over weight.
Change doesn't occur over night. I'm miles away from the person I used to be but a lifetime of bad habits doesn't just go away. But I'm aware of them. And I'm actively working on changing them.   When I think about how much my attitude towards food has changed JUST in the past 7 months, I'm amazed.  I'm not perfect and never will be.  I am so much better than I was, and I will become much better than I am now.

"Cookie Dough" Greek Yogurt

I Found this Recipe on Pinterest...

Add the following ingredients to a small

container of Greek Yogurt:

 1tbsp of creamy peanut butter (or PB2)

1tsp of Honey

1/4 tsp of Vanilla Extract

1tbsp of Miniature Chocolate Chips

Dash of Sea Salt

I forgot to grab Honey from the grocery store

so made mine without the honey. 

Even so, it was pretty good.  I'm NOT a fan

of Greek Yogurt but this was pretty good.
While this doesn't taste exactly like Cookie Dough,
it is a nice healthy alternative when you have a
sweet tooth and a great way to get in Protein for the day. 

Morning Naked Weigh In: Week 32

Weekly Loss: .8lbs

Total Loss So Far:  69.4lbs

Morning Naked Weigh In: Week 30 and Week 31

WEEK 30

Weekly Loss: 1.4lbs

Total Loss: 67.2lbs

WEEK 31

Weekly Loss:  1.4lbs

Total Loss: 68.6lbs

Morning Naked Weigh In - Week 29

TOM came to visit this month, so I wasn't expecting much of a loss..... and didn't get one.

Loss for the week: .2 lbs

Total loss so far: 65.8 lbs

Morning Naked Weigh In - Week 27 and Week 28

Week 27

Weigh in Results: +.8lbs

Total Loss So Far:  63.8

 

Week 28

Weigh in results: -1.8

Total Loss So Far:  65.6

Who Do I WANT To Be?

 Maybe it's part of getting older... or maybe it's a result of the surgery and the changes it has brought... but I find myself searching for who I AM.  Because honestly..... sometimes, I just don't know.  

 How much of my life has been wasted on "One Day...", "When I Lose Weight", "If I were skinny",  "If only".....   It feels like I've gone through life holding  down the "Pause" button, waiting for this or that to happen first.  But.... What would my life be like if there was NOTHING holding me back?   Not my weight, my self esteem, my insecurities... What if I didn't CARE what people thought of me?  What if I didn't have limitations on what I could  do.  What if I could go back to Graduation Day at high school, with my new sense of "Freedom", a little wiser than I was back then, carrying all the hope and belief that I did on that day of my future.  What would I choose to do? 

As I shed my excess pounds, I am also working on shedding all the other things that I have held on to that have kept me down. Because, let's face it, although my weight has made things more difficult for me... My weight isn't REALLY what has held me back all these years, but my own insecurities about it.  At social events I felt awkward, so I kept to myself.  I realize now that it wasn't THEM not talking to ME,  By staying off by myself, my entire body language was screaming BACK OFF.   When we went to the Lake, public pools, water parks, etc.  I could have gotten a bathing suit on and joined in. (Of course, I weighed too much for some of the water slides, but I could have joined in the Wave Pool and the Lazy River), but I was so embarrassed of my body, I refused to be seen in Public in a bathing suit.  So I wore Capri pants and a T Shirt over my swimsuit and stood around waiting at the end of each ride, sometimes for over an hour, for the my husband and kids to come out.  And it isn't my weight that has kept me from pursuing my dreams.... it's my fear of what others would think of them.   And now.... I've suppressed those dreams for SO LONG, I don't even know what they ARE anymore.   

MORNING NAKED WEIGH IN: WEEK 26

Down 1.6 pounds this week.
Total loss so far: 64.6 pounds!

Morning Naked Weigh In: Week 23

Not a big loss this week, but still a loss:  -1.8 lbs.  I still haven't made it back into the gym, and until I do, I'm just not going to see any big numbers.  I was doing great for a while, but it seems once I stopped, it has been so hard to find that drive again.   So much has been going on lately... life is very hectic right now, but my gym is open 24/7 so there really is no excuse.  I know what needs to be done.  I just need to do it.

Daily Weighing - Pros and Cons

I'm usually a Daily Weigh-er.  

First thing in the morning, before getting into the shower, I jump on the scale and record my weight for the day.  I like weighing first thing in the morning, before I've had anything to eat or drink, butt-naked, because it takes a way a lot of the factors that can effect your weight, such as clothes and water retention. For me, Daily Weighing keeps me on track, I find I do better this way.  But I've heard of others that hide their scale during the week because they find themselves obsessing over the numbers.

Here is  a short list of PRO'S that I have found in DAILY WEIGHING.

1.  It gives me focus during the week, and is a daily reminder to eat right and exercise.  When I weighed only once a week, I found myself thinking "It's OK, I have the rest of the week to work it off". 

2.  I can see on any given day how the foods I ate and exercise I did (or did not do) that day effected me, such as water retention, etc. 

3.  When the scale is down, I am even MORE motivated that day to eat right and exercise.

4.  By keeping track all week, I have a pretty good idea of what my official weigh in will be on Sunday, so do not get that crushing feeling when it is not a good loss.  If it's been a bad week, I already know.

 And now for a short list of CON'S in DAILY WEIGHING

1.  It can lead to frustration at times because your weight naturally fluctuates throughout the week. 

2.  I've read other's say that they find themselves obsessing over the numbers on the scale, and would rather focus on inches lost. 

3.  Muscle weighs more than fat, so if working out a lot, the scale may be going up instead of down, even though you are losing inches. 

4.  When the scale goes UP despite eating right and staying on plan,  it may lead to frustration, and for some, make it easier to give into temptation.  At the same time, when the scale goes DOWN despite giving into temptation it may make it easier to go off plan, knowing last time you still come away with a loss. 

NON SCALE VICTORY!!

Last night when I was getting dressed to go to the gym, I grabbed one of my old XL T-Shirts to try it on, just to see how close I am to being able to wear it again. Guess What!?  IT FIT!!!!
YES!!!  I was so excited!  Later, on the treadmill, when I started feeling self conscious in front of all the people there working out looking all cute in their workout gear, I reminded myself that I was wearing an XL T-Shirt!! And that is coming from a 3X!!  I may not look all cute in my work out clothes now, or even FIT into the cute workout clothes yet, but I'M ON MY WAY!!

Morning Naked Weigh In - Week 14

 

This was not a great weight loss week. My weight this morning was 252.0 lbs.  I GAINED .4lbs.  I didn't work out at all this week.  I haven't been feeling well, and never made it to the gym.  I'm going to have to do better.  Earlier this week each morning the scale was up a little until I had gained 3 pounds for the week, but beginning Thursday the scale started going back down, ending the week at only a .4 lb gain. While I'm disappointed to have not had a loss this week, I'm relieved that it wasn't a 3 pound gain or more like it was showing earlier this week.  Going forward, I can NOT let myself derail my work out efforts.  It's too easy to find a reason or excuse not to go.  I need to be going to the gym regardless of how I feel unless I'm running fever or puking.

Confession Time Again...... With Pictures.

Yesterday, while my husband and I were out we passed by a Wig store.  He swung into the parking lot and asked if I wanted to go in and just look around.  I hesitated, but I've been curious so we went in, and ultimately wound up purchasing a wig.  WHAT??!!  I will probably pick it up next Saturday.   First of all..... I want to make this clear that I have been experiencing Hair Loss for 11 years now. I do not want to scare anyone reading this that is thinking of having Gastric Bypass surgery into thinking the same will happen to them.  Yes, it is common to experience some hair loss, but not to the extent where one would need a wig.  Because my hair was already SO THIN on top, it has pushed me to that point where I think I need one.

I began this blog with the commitment to blog openly and honestly. It is hard to do sometimes, but in honor of that commitment,  I am posting pictures of my hair below so you can get an idea of what I'm talking about.  I used to wear my hair over to the side and it hid my thinning hair fairly well unless you stood over me in a bright light.  But after the past two weeks of losing my hair every time I shower, I have been forced to pull my bangs straight back to try to hide my scalp. But even, that is getting hard. 

Here I am last weekend with my hair "styled" in the only way I have found to cover my scalp.  As you can see, my hair is really, really thin on top, and no matter how I arrange my hair, I have places where my scalp shows through, in the front, and in the back unless my hair is laying just right.

Please excuse these next two pictures.  I wore my hair curly (it's naturally curly) yesterday to try and maybe add volume and help cover my scalp.  When I got up this morning and decided to blog about it, I went ahead and snapped two pictures prior to taking a shower. And my hair is WILD (what little you can actually see of hair in this next set).   But this is what I am dealing with, and why I have decided to wear a wig.... if I can get up enough courage to actually wear it. 

This is the top of my head with my hair parted over to the side like I USED to be able to wear it. 

And here is the top of my head with my hair parted straight down the middle, which I never do, but you can see the extent of my hair loss. 

I know.  

This is extremely embarrassing.  

Again... I want to put reiterate, this is NOT the normal.

I was headed to this point, BEFORE the surgery. 

So yesterday, I tried two different wigs. I wanted to try to stay within my current length.  I LOVED the color and cut of the first wig I tried on (no pictures were allowed in the store), and came VERY close to purchasing that one.  It was kind of long on the sides and got a little bit shorter in the back, like that swing bob, or inverted wedge cut that is popular. Super Cute.  It was a dark brown which is my natural hair color.  But I was a little bothered by the seam down the wig.  To me it looked like the hair had been singed.  The lady that was helping me said it was a hand tied wig, very durable, and it is just the way they come.  She showed me how to adjust the part, zigzagging small pieces of hair to hide it, and it did look better.  I then tried on some Lace Front wigs, which gives you a more normal hair line and seam, but she said in all honesty they do not last long and are also more expensive.  She said for a first wig, she did not recommend them.  Then she said she wanted to try one more on me before we purchased the first one.  The next wig she put on me had three different colors and blondish highlights. It looked a little more natural down the seam, partly because it looked like my "roots" were about to come through.  My husband (who by the way is EXTREMELY supportive and I could not live without) and the shop lady LOVED the second wig on me.  She said it was very  flattering on me. The cut is similar to the way I used to have my hair styled about a year ago.  I wasn't too sure about the blonde highlights though, and we debated for literally over an hour on different color options.  I wanted a dark brown with a lighter brown highlights, so she had me try on other wigs just for a color reference.  They were all too brassy, or reddish for my liking. She asked if I wanted to order it in a solid color, but the color on the wig is what MAKES that cut and style so cute.  I went back and forth between the two wigs for a long time, trying on both again and again. I ultimately went with their suggestion of the second wig, in the original color because when it comes to myself I am HORRIBLE about being objective.  Frankly..... I don't like anything right away, it always takes me a while.  

So after next weekend, now that I will have a wig, the next step is finding the courage to wear it.  The shop lady said to just be honest with coworkers and friends and tell them It's a wig, because eventually I'll want to get a new one with a different style and length.  My husband has suggested wearing it on the weekends, and getting used to it for a while before trying to wear it at work.  When I first start wearing it, regardless of where I'm at, I will be uncomfortable and it will feel weird.  He said once I get used to the idea of wearing it and feeling more comfortable about it, I will be more 

confident wearing it to work and around friends.  Hmmm..... we'll see.  I guess wearing a wig is better though, than looking bald.

Confession Time... Water

I have to admit....  I think my BIGGEST challenge

is getting enough water in.  This has always been an issue with me, not just since surgery.  First of all..... I don't LIKE

water.  In order to drink it, it has to be ICE COLD. Even then

I have to force it down.  Bleh.  I used to love the Crystal Light packets of Lemonade added, but since the surgery, I haven't really cared for them.  Any calorie free, non carbonated beverage will count towards my water intake, so I've been drinking the Diet Lipton Citrus Green Teas.  In the weeks following my surgery, it was the ONLY drink I found that didn't make me nauseous.  I can now drink other things, 

such as water without feeling nausea, but I still haven't found anything that I love to drink. But taste isn't really the problem here.  I just get busy and forget  to drink.  One 16oz bottle of tea will last me all day.  On a good day, I'll get in two 

of them.  THAT'S HORRIBLE! I should be getting in at least 64oz of water daily. Water is very important to not only my weight loss, but my health as well.  It is such a SIMPLE concept too.  Carry water (or other noncaloric beverage) with you all day long, and sip constantly.  Yet, here I am 3 months out still struggling with it.  I'd set an alarm on my phone as the Dr. suggested, but I can't have my alarm going off at work.  I've even asked a co-worker to remind me throughout the day to drink.  But ulimately, it is my responsibility, and I just have to find a way to get it in. 

Morning Naked Weigh In: Week 13th

Kind of a low number this week, BUT still a loss, so I'm happy.
251.6
Loss for the week: 2.8 lbs

Total Loss so far: 48.4 lbs!

Morning Naked Weigh In - Week 10

This was a disappointing week.

Monday after my official Weigh In

the scale was up to 262.0.  Tuesday

it was back down to 261.0,

Wednesday it was 261.2, Thursday 261.2, 

Friday it jumped to 262.4, remained there 

Saturday, and this morning it was 261.4. 

So I walk away this week with a .2lb gain.

UGH.

I thought for sure I would see better results

this week.  I took healthy protein rich lunches, 

I didn't snack in between meals, and I did 

better about getting my water intake in. 

Still not enough, but better than I had been doing.  

AND I got in a short workout on Thursday, 

and my husband and I walked our butts

off yesterday... I was even sore this morning from

it.  I know this is to be expected sometimes, but

it is still a little frustrating.

Morning Naked Weigh In - Week 9 Results

This morning I was down 2.2lbs for the week.

Not a big loss this week, but still a LOSS. Yay!

Weigh In results this week: 261.2

Total loss so far: 38.8 lbs.

Friday, I dropped a check off at the gym

to start back up my membership, 

so next week I start working out.

Hoping to see better results from here on out.