Morning Naked Weigh In: Week 32

Weekly Loss: .8lbs

Total Loss So Far:  69.4lbs

Morning Naked Weigh In: Week 30 and Week 31

WEEK 30

Weekly Loss: 1.4lbs

Total Loss: 67.2lbs

WEEK 31

Weekly Loss:  1.4lbs

Total Loss: 68.6lbs

Who Do I WANT To Be?

 Maybe it's part of getting older... or maybe it's a result of the surgery and the changes it has brought... but I find myself searching for who I AM.  Because honestly..... sometimes, I just don't know.  

 How much of my life has been wasted on "One Day...", "When I Lose Weight", "If I were skinny",  "If only".....   It feels like I've gone through life holding  down the "Pause" button, waiting for this or that to happen first.  But.... What would my life be like if there was NOTHING holding me back?   Not my weight, my self esteem, my insecurities... What if I didn't CARE what people thought of me?  What if I didn't have limitations on what I could  do.  What if I could go back to Graduation Day at high school, with my new sense of "Freedom", a little wiser than I was back then, carrying all the hope and belief that I did on that day of my future.  What would I choose to do? 

As I shed my excess pounds, I am also working on shedding all the other things that I have held on to that have kept me down. Because, let's face it, although my weight has made things more difficult for me... My weight isn't REALLY what has held me back all these years, but my own insecurities about it.  At social events I felt awkward, so I kept to myself.  I realize now that it wasn't THEM not talking to ME,  By staying off by myself, my entire body language was screaming BACK OFF.   When we went to the Lake, public pools, water parks, etc.  I could have gotten a bathing suit on and joined in. (Of course, I weighed too much for some of the water slides, but I could have joined in the Wave Pool and the Lazy River), but I was so embarrassed of my body, I refused to be seen in Public in a bathing suit.  So I wore Capri pants and a T Shirt over my swimsuit and stood around waiting at the end of each ride, sometimes for over an hour, for the my husband and kids to come out.  And it isn't my weight that has kept me from pursuing my dreams.... it's my fear of what others would think of them.   And now.... I've suppressed those dreams for SO LONG, I don't even know what they ARE anymore.   

MORNING NAKED WEIGH IN: WEEK 26

Down 1.6 pounds this week.
Total loss so far: 64.6 pounds!

MORNING NAKED WEIGH IN: WEEK 24

 

Not much of a loss.  Down .6 of a pound. Ugh.

Morning Naked Weigh In: Week 22

Well, After a very disappointing MONTH last month
(See my Morning Naked Weigh In Page)
I'm pretty happy with this week's Weigh In result.
241.6 lbs.  That is a loss of 5.8 lbs for the Week!!
Total Loss so far:  58.4 lbs.

Morning Naked Weigh In - Week 16

This was a pretty bad week, weight loss wise, but I still came away with a loss. All week the scale has not budged, and then finally this morning it was down 1.2 pounds.  T.O.M showed up yesterday, so that may be why it is so low this week. 

NON SCALE VICTORY!!

Yesterday I finally bought a new pair of jeans since having the surgery in October! I've been wearing the same jeans I had before surgery, but they look really bad now, way too baggy.  They aren't falling off yet, but the legs and rear end just sag.  I bought a size 20 Jeans! And they fit great! At my highest weight I was in a size 28 and they were tight....  I have to admit, the thrill of fitting into a size 20 yesterday was greatly dimmed looking at myself in that full length mirror.  Seeing my clothes sag on me felt great, it showed progress!  But seeing myself in a pair of jeans that fit, really showed me how far I still have to go.... not just to goal but to just looking decent in a pair of jeans.  And I've got a belly roll above my jeans line that is still there, that really bothers me.  I put on my saggy jeans again after trying on the 20's and noticed that in those jeans too, the roll is there, I just chose to ignore it.   I was a little down last night...... but I'm feeling much more optimistic today.   I'm not going to get there over night.  And while..... 51 pounds is a lot to lose, when I have THIS Much excess weight, it's not going to have as great an impact on me as it would on someone with less to lose. My husband suggested taking pictures each month so I can compare, which I really should have been doing all along. 

Merry Christmas Eve!

Today is Christmas Eve and I had
 to work today. Blah. It wasn't quite so bad,
since we were able to leave at 2:00. 

I'm about to start making some
Peppermint Popcorn Bark

to pass out to family as Christmas Gifts
 at our family Christmas tomorrow. 

I thought Valentines and Halloween
were the "SWEET" Months....

The first of December, we all brought
 in stockings and hung outside our offices
or in our cubicles and throughout the month,
 everyone has brought in goodies to stuff our 

stockings with.  I left today with a stocking
 full of candy, which I will pass on to my
children's stockings tonight. And then today,
a co-worker brought in fudge for
everyone, another brought Peppermint Bark
and our Director brought in her famous Bark.
I ate just a little bit of the Director's Bark
to see what all the hub hub was about,
(and it was good!)

I tried eating just a tiny piece of fudge 

since I haven't eaten fudge in over 15 years

and used to LOVE the stuff, but it was WAY too sweet. 

At the end of the day, one of my co-workers
told me that she was reallystarting to see a
difference in me.  She said that every week

she notices a change and said she just
wanted to let me know she was proud of me. 
She said she sees the healthy choices
I am makingand the sacrifices and wanted
to let me know she was proud.

It made me feel good. 

Weigh In Results - Week 7

I just finished my 7th week post RNY Gastric Bypass.

This week I was down -3.2lbs. 

Bringing my total loss so far to: 

34 POUNDS.

Yesterday was my son's birthday,

and last night I had a little bit of his Cake.

It was a Blue Bell Cookies and Cream

Ice Cream cake we found at the grocery store.

SO GOOD!!

I got a small piece, and only ate about half of it.

I should have only limited myself to a bite or

two of someone else's cake, because although

I didn't get sick, I did feel a little

nauseous afterwards.

I was worried that it might effect my weight loss

for the week as well, but my husband kept telling

me that I didn't eat enough of it to do anything. 

He made the comment: Just think of a few months ago.

You would have been able to eat two or three slices,

but tonight you had a few bites, and then you were done.

Luckily, he was right, and the scale was down a 

pound from the day before.  And it also made me

realize that where as before I had no self control 

when it came to things that I loved, such as sweets.

Now.... I can do without, and when I do indulge,

after just one or two bites I am satisfied.  

Just getting a taste is enough for me.