I May Be Slow, But I'm Doing It

I don't work out NEARLY enough.  It is a major downfall I have.  I always have good intentions, but the follow through doesn't always happen.  I know if I start working out more, the scale will move more, and right now.... I REALLY want that.  I miss having those 3-5 pound losses (or more) every week like I did in the beginning.  Now, I'm lucky if I get a 1 pound loss lately.  I had one good 4 pound loss a couple weeks ago, but other than that.... it's been very slow going.  I finally forced myself to go for a walk/run yesterday.  I found this app a while back called Map My Walk that uses GPS to track your mileage and time.  Looking through my (very short) work out history on the app, I realized that even though these workouts are spaced way far out, each time I go for a walk/run I get a little faster.  It's not much... but seeing that made me SO HAPPY!! And Motivated to do more!  And even better..... the scale was DOWN 1.6 pounds this morning! 

I used to HATE running.  I couldn't have run if my life depended on it.  If I were in a Zombie apocalypse, I might as well have just laid down and waited to be eaten.  When I first started trying to "run" it was more of just an awkward walk thingy where I lifted my knees a little higher and swung my arms a little more.  But now, I can actually jog.  I'm slower than a turtle walking through molasses and I don't "run" as far as I would like, but.... hey, I'm doing it.  And looking at the results above, I'm getting better.  If I keep it up, eventually, I might just be able to beat that turtle. 

Morning Naked Weigh In - Week 34

WooHoo!! Finally a Good Loss!!

Total for the week: -4.4 pounds

Total Lost So Far: 73 Pounds

Knowing When To Stop

One of the hardest things for me to learn since having my Gastric Bypass surgery has been WHEN TO STOP eating, ESPECIALLY if what I'm eating is very good. I think this issue is one of the leading causes to me being SO overweight.
I don't eat anywhere near the amount I used to eat, but I still catch myself saying "one more bite" especially if it's really yummy, usually regretting that decision immediately. Sometimes I'll eat until I'm full, and stop like a good girl, but as I sit at the table and everyone else is still eating I continue to "pick" at my food until everyone else is done, eating more than I originally intended.
This is such a dangerous habit that needs to be broken. By pushing the limit I know I can, and eventually will, stretch out my stomach, and I do NOT want that to happen. I must learn to slow waaay down and really pay attention and STOP at that "satisfied" moment EVERY time. I don't have to eat until I'm "full". I did NOT get this surgery and go through all that I've been through to wind up remaining over weight.
Change doesn't occur over night. I'm miles away from the person I used to be but a lifetime of bad habits doesn't just go away. But I'm aware of them. And I'm actively working on changing them.   When I think about how much my attitude towards food has changed JUST in the past 7 months, I'm amazed.  I'm not perfect and never will be.  I am so much better than I was, and I will become much better than I am now.

"Cookie Dough" Greek Yogurt

I Found this Recipe on Pinterest...

Add the following ingredients to a small

container of Greek Yogurt:

 1tbsp of creamy peanut butter (or PB2)

1tsp of Honey

1/4 tsp of Vanilla Extract

1tbsp of Miniature Chocolate Chips

Dash of Sea Salt

I forgot to grab Honey from the grocery store

so made mine without the honey. 

Even so, it was pretty good.  I'm NOT a fan

of Greek Yogurt but this was pretty good.
While this doesn't taste exactly like Cookie Dough,
it is a nice healthy alternative when you have a
sweet tooth and a great way to get in Protein for the day. 

Morning Naked Weigh In: Week 32

Weekly Loss: .8lbs

Total Loss So Far:  69.4lbs

Morning Naked Weigh In: Week 30 and Week 31

WEEK 30

Weekly Loss: 1.4lbs

Total Loss: 67.2lbs

WEEK 31

Weekly Loss:  1.4lbs

Total Loss: 68.6lbs

Morning Naked Weigh In - Week 29

TOM came to visit this month, so I wasn't expecting much of a loss..... and didn't get one.

Loss for the week: .2 lbs

Total loss so far: 65.8 lbs

Morning Naked Weigh In - Week 27 and Week 28

Week 27

Weigh in Results: +.8lbs

Total Loss So Far:  63.8

 

Week 28

Weigh in results: -1.8

Total Loss So Far:  65.6

Who Do I WANT To Be?

 Maybe it's part of getting older... or maybe it's a result of the surgery and the changes it has brought... but I find myself searching for who I AM.  Because honestly..... sometimes, I just don't know.  

 How much of my life has been wasted on "One Day...", "When I Lose Weight", "If I were skinny",  "If only".....   It feels like I've gone through life holding  down the "Pause" button, waiting for this or that to happen first.  But.... What would my life be like if there was NOTHING holding me back?   Not my weight, my self esteem, my insecurities... What if I didn't CARE what people thought of me?  What if I didn't have limitations on what I could  do.  What if I could go back to Graduation Day at high school, with my new sense of "Freedom", a little wiser than I was back then, carrying all the hope and belief that I did on that day of my future.  What would I choose to do? 

As I shed my excess pounds, I am also working on shedding all the other things that I have held on to that have kept me down. Because, let's face it, although my weight has made things more difficult for me... My weight isn't REALLY what has held me back all these years, but my own insecurities about it.  At social events I felt awkward, so I kept to myself.  I realize now that it wasn't THEM not talking to ME,  By staying off by myself, my entire body language was screaming BACK OFF.   When we went to the Lake, public pools, water parks, etc.  I could have gotten a bathing suit on and joined in. (Of course, I weighed too much for some of the water slides, but I could have joined in the Wave Pool and the Lazy River), but I was so embarrassed of my body, I refused to be seen in Public in a bathing suit.  So I wore Capri pants and a T Shirt over my swimsuit and stood around waiting at the end of each ride, sometimes for over an hour, for the my husband and kids to come out.  And it isn't my weight that has kept me from pursuing my dreams.... it's my fear of what others would think of them.   And now.... I've suppressed those dreams for SO LONG, I don't even know what they ARE anymore.   

Seven Bites Youtube Channel

It can sometimes be a struggle, especially in the beginning, to find

healthy recipes that allow you to eat a small portion and still get your

protein in each day.  Here is a link to a YouTube channel for Weight Loss Surgery 

patients that offers Recipes and Tips for your new tiny tummy.

Check it out! Seven Bites was created by a Mother and Daughter team that

have both had the Gastric Sleeve procedure.  (I went to school with the

daughter).  All their tips and recipes can apply to any type of Weight

Loss Surgery.  

Morning Naked Weigh In - Week 10

This was a disappointing week.

Monday after my official Weigh In

the scale was up to 262.0.  Tuesday

it was back down to 261.0,

Wednesday it was 261.2, Thursday 261.2, 

Friday it jumped to 262.4, remained there 

Saturday, and this morning it was 261.4. 

So I walk away this week with a .2lb gain.

UGH.

I thought for sure I would see better results

this week.  I took healthy protein rich lunches, 

I didn't snack in between meals, and I did 

better about getting my water intake in. 

Still not enough, but better than I had been doing.  

AND I got in a short workout on Thursday, 

and my husband and I walked our butts

off yesterday... I was even sore this morning from

it.  I know this is to be expected sometimes, but

it is still a little frustrating.

Morning Naked Weigh In - Week 9 Results

This morning I was down 2.2lbs for the week.

Not a big loss this week, but still a LOSS. Yay!

Weigh In results this week: 261.2

Total loss so far: 38.8 lbs.

Friday, I dropped a check off at the gym

to start back up my membership, 

so next week I start working out.

Hoping to see better results from here on out.

Week 8 Weigh In Results

I didn't think I was going to lose anything

this week.  In fact, I was afraid I was 

going to end with a GAIN.

TOM (Time Of Month) came to visit this week,

and brought a long a couple of pounds. 

Yesterday I was looking at a .4 increase,

BUT........

I'm happy to say that this morning's 

Weigh In showed a 2.6 pound

LOSS!!!

WOOHOO!!!  

Total Loss this month: 8.8 lbs

Total Loss so far:  36.6 lbs

I was hoping to lose about 10 pounds month.

Maybe when I start working out this January

I will see better results. 

But a loss is a loss, and even if it is slower than

some..... I'll TAKE IT!!

My New Favorite Protein Supplement

I found a new favorite Protein Supplement!

 I struggled in the beginning after surgery to

find a Protein shake that I liked.  The protein

shake that I was drinking BEFORE surgery,

suddenly tasted AWFUL to me AFTER surgery.

I discovered the only kind of protein shake I could

tolerate was the Premier Protein shakes found

at Sam's Club (and I believe Walmart). 

 

Two weeks ago while I was at Sams

to get the Premier Protein shakes my

husband saw these.....

(Please excuse the picture, my camera

on my phone is broke and half of every

picture comes out blurry....)

The bars are 200 calories.

They have a pretty good flavor, 

and each bar has less than 2g of sugar,

and 20grams of protein!

I took some of them to work and have one at my 

desk for breakfast each morning in between calls,

and the rest I threw in the Freezer to keep at home.  

Being frozen, it forces me to take small bites and

eat it slowly.  YUM!! 

Although they only have 20grams of protein

compared to the 30 grams of protein in the

Premier Shakes, I never really LIKED the 

shakes.  So for me.... this is a happy alternative.

Merry Christmas Eve!

Today is Christmas Eve and I had
 to work today. Blah. It wasn't quite so bad,
since we were able to leave at 2:00. 

I'm about to start making some
Peppermint Popcorn Bark

to pass out to family as Christmas Gifts
 at our family Christmas tomorrow. 

I thought Valentines and Halloween
were the "SWEET" Months....

The first of December, we all brought
 in stockings and hung outside our offices
or in our cubicles and throughout the month,
 everyone has brought in goodies to stuff our 

stockings with.  I left today with a stocking
 full of candy, which I will pass on to my
children's stockings tonight. And then today,
a co-worker brought in fudge for
everyone, another brought Peppermint Bark
and our Director brought in her famous Bark.
I ate just a little bit of the Director's Bark
to see what all the hub hub was about,
(and it was good!)

I tried eating just a tiny piece of fudge 

since I haven't eaten fudge in over 15 years

and used to LOVE the stuff, but it was WAY too sweet. 

At the end of the day, one of my co-workers
told me that she was reallystarting to see a
difference in me.  She said that every week

she notices a change and said she just
wanted to let me know she was proud of me. 
She said she sees the healthy choices
I am makingand the sacrifices and wanted
to let me know she was proud.

It made me feel good. 

Weigh In Results - Week 7

I just finished my 7th week post RNY Gastric Bypass.

This week I was down -3.2lbs. 

Bringing my total loss so far to: 

34 POUNDS.

Yesterday was my son's birthday,

and last night I had a little bit of his Cake.

It was a Blue Bell Cookies and Cream

Ice Cream cake we found at the grocery store.

SO GOOD!!

I got a small piece, and only ate about half of it.

I should have only limited myself to a bite or

two of someone else's cake, because although

I didn't get sick, I did feel a little

nauseous afterwards.

I was worried that it might effect my weight loss

for the week as well, but my husband kept telling

me that I didn't eat enough of it to do anything. 

He made the comment: Just think of a few months ago.

You would have been able to eat two or three slices,

but tonight you had a few bites, and then you were done.

Luckily, he was right, and the scale was down a 

pound from the day before.  And it also made me

realize that where as before I had no self control 

when it came to things that I loved, such as sweets.

Now.... I can do without, and when I do indulge,

after just one or two bites I am satisfied.  

Just getting a taste is enough for me. 

The New "Normal"

This past week I was finally out of the Liquid and Soft Food stages.

Being on solid foods, I was able to eat pretty much

what everyone else was eating…. just less of it.

I no longer feel like a WLS “Patient“.

This is my new “Normal”.

My official “Weigh In” day was yesterday,

and even though I ended this week

 without a LOSS,

I’m not going to get down about that.

 I know I will have some weeks where I don’t lose,

and others where I have a big loss.

As long as I continue doing what I’m supposed to,

making good food choices, I know the weight

WILL come off.

AND....  this morning, the scale was DOWN a pound.

THIS is what I thought the Lap Band was

going to be like.

I wish I had just went with the Gastric Bypass

all those years ago, instead of battling with

the Band for 7 years.

Post Op Visit

My Post Op Visit:

From my first initial consultation, I was down 27 pounds.

They removed my Staples and said everything looked good.

I had one incision that was leaking after the staple removal,

but the doctor said it was fine and sent me home with extra steri-strips.

I had been having a lot of trouble with nausea and diarrhea on a daily basis.

It was not due to over eating, eating too fast, or eating foods that are not allowed.

I hadn't been able to experiment with food yet, because I was always feeling sick.

All I drank was water, but that made me nauseous too, so was not getting

in all my water or Protein requirements. 

The doctor said sometimes after Gastric Bypass
it takes your body a while to get used to things and that is probably

what was going on, but said he wanted me to go back on liquids

and if my stomach issues were not better in a week or got worse,

to let them know and they would do an Endoscopy

to see if there is any restriction at the incision 

where my intestines meet my stomach.

The doctor said sometimes this can occur, 

and if so, he would use a balloon to widen the opening.

The doctor also said to keep trying different protein supplements

(the protein supplements that I was taking before the surgery

 were making me nauseous) until I found one that

 would sit well on my stomach.

He did release me to go back to work that Monday.

 

Even though the recovery period took longer than expected,

and was very hard on me,  I do not regret my decision.

It was all worth it.

Gastric Bypass - Complications and Recovery

Monday, October 28, 2013 I had my 

Roux-En-Y (RNY) Gastric Bypass Procedure done.

The doctor had said before surgery, there was  a possibility

that once he got in, depending on scar tissue, etc.

he might have to just remove the Lap Band 

and then let my stomach heal for a few months 

before performing the Gastric Bypass.

Another possibility, he said, was that if my lower intestine did

not cooperate, and would not move up to where he needed it

to, that he may have to perform the Gastric Sleeve instead.

Once he got in, The doctor found that

 I had a Hernia in my stomach.

THANK GOODNESS he was able to 

go ahead and remove the Hernia, remove the lap band, 

AND he was successfully able to perform the Gastric Bypass.

I woke in recovery HURTING.  

I don’t remember much about it, but I remember

asking about my heart. My chest was hurting, 

and it scared me because it reminded me of when I went in for 

Gall Bladder Surgery, and woke up in the ICU

with my Chest hurting, and found out my heart had stopped.

I don’t remember what they said about my Chest hurting, 

but all had gone well.

I think the hardest part about my first two days post surgery

 was not being able to drink anything.  NOT EVEN ICE CHIPS!!

I never knew your mouth and tongue could get THAT Dry.  

It was awful.

I didn’t get hungry or crave food.  

All I could think about was a glass of

ICE WATER!! 

...and I don’t even like water.  LOL.

When I was finally able to drink and eat ice chips  I was so relieved.

Unfortunately, however, I was limited to 30ml 

(or 1 ounce) every HOUR.

So… as far as getting my thirst quenched 

and my dry mouth solved?  Not so much.

I went home on Wednesday, October 30th.  

We waited all day to see if I was

going to be released, and finally shortly after 6pm, 

we got the news I could go home.

Knowing I was going to have trouble sleeping in our 

bed due to the pain in my abdomen,

my husband had gone to the Habitat For Humanity Re-Store

and purchased a recliner for $50.00. 

THANK GOODNESS he did!!

There is no way I would have been able to lay flat.

I spent all my recovery time in that recliner.

The day after I was released was Halloween.

A relative took the kids Trick Or Treating and my oldest

daughter stayed home to take care of me.

My husband was going to return to work 

the next day so had gone to bed.

Late that evening, after the kids returned home,

I began to hurt worse than I had before.

The pain medicine I was sent home with 

really wasn’t taking the pain away, either.

I had just finished doing the breathing exercise

 they instructed me to do with the aspirator 

they sent me home with, so thought maybe 

I had swallowed some air and it was gas making me hurt, 

so I took some gas medicine.

A little bit later, I started feeling very nauseous.  

I took my anti-nausea medicine but it didn’t help.  

My daughter kept wanting to wake my husband up,

but I told her to let him sleep, he had work the next day.

Around 9:00pm I started throwing up 

and finally told her to wake Dad.

He called my Surgeons office, 

and was given the doctor’s cell number.

But the doctor did not answer and wasn’t  returning the call.

My husband said he would wait 30 more minutes,

then he was taking me back to the hospital.

But 5 minutes later I was throwing up again. 

He said “alright, that's it, Let’s go”.

We went back to the same hospital I had the surgery in, 

thinking that they would be better equipped, 

having my records, etc.

When I got there, the ER Doctor didn’t have any knowledge of

Gastric Bypass, and kept asking the same questions over and over.

The hospital began calling the doctor as well, 

but he was not answering for them either.

The tried numerous times to reach him.

Luckily, the ER Nurse had worked in a critical care unit

years ago at a Bariatric Center, 

and was familiar with Gastric Bypass.

He thought I was experiencing the “Dumping Syndrome”.

I told him I had been very careful not to go over my

1 oz of liquid in the allotted time, 

but he said sometimes it happens anyway.

They gave me two different anti-nausea medicines, 

but it did not help.

FINALLY, the surgeon called back, and said to admit me,

take me off all fluids, (not even ice chips) again, 

and ordered a CT Scan.

The Road To Obesity

I’ve been Fat for 20 years.

20 YEARS.

That’s HALF my life!! I just turned 39 in October.

Senior year, 1993, I weighed a whopping 109 pounds. 

I graduated in May and married my high school boyfriend that July.

As soon as we got married I started putting on weight.  

6 months after we married, I found out I was pregnant.

I was 19.

I BALLOONED during my pregnancy, 

gaining a LOT of weight.

I thought it was temporary and in no time

I would be back to my pre-pregnancy weight.

But…14 months after my son was born, 

I was still at 170lbs , and discovered I was pregnant again.

With that pregnancy I only gained 30 pounds,

putting me at 200 pounds exact when I was 

admitted for labor and delivery.

I lost 15 of those pounds after my daughter was born.

A year later, after just four years of marriage,

my husband left me,

 one month after my daughter turned ONE and

9 days shy of my son’s 3rd birthday.

After my divorce, I lost around 30 pounds, 

putting me at 155. I fluctuated there for a while.

A little over a year later I met and then married 

my current husband, and the love of my life.

While pregnant with my Third child, another son, 

I once again BALLOONED,

putting on a lot of weight. 

After he was born, I stayed right around 230lbs,

During my fourth and FINAL pregnancy, (another girl),

I  gained little and ended the pregnancy weighing

exactly the same as I did before carrying her, 

but WEARING a size larger.

From 2002 to 2007 I had many, 

many failed diet attempts.

 At one time, on the Atkins Diet

 I got down to 200 pounds even.

I weighed on that Friday, 

and then over the weekend I got off track

on the diet, and GAINED.  

A couple of weeks later, 

I once again got down to 200 but  then I stalled, 

and never seemed to have the same success as before.

With the scale not moving, 

It was harder to stay strict and on plan.

  I then very rapidly gained back all the weight

 I had lost plus some.

I joined a gym and started working out

 but the weight just did not want to budge.

I worked out every day for a while, 

but eventually had to quit the gym due to a hernia surgery I had.

In 2007 I decided to have the Lap Band procedure

 done after talking to some women at work that had gotten it. 

I had complications with my port,

and had to go in for a second surgery. 

I never lost much weight with the lap band,

and I had trouble eating almost everything.  

No matter how small of bites I took, the food got stuck.

Sometimes after eating I threw up right away, and other times,

it took a while as my saliva would build up in my pouch

and start coming up.

 I never lost much weight with the band,

  and stayed constantly hungry.

Eventually, I began to gain again.  

I finally just had all the fluid taken out.

During those years, at one point 

I remember thinking that I was

fat, would always be fat, and that is just who I am.

Over the years my weight just kept getting higher and higher.

In 2011 I finally found a diet that worked for me.

I started Medifast and in 8 months, I lost 85 pounds.

I felt great.  FINALLY, I had found something that worked for me!

But the diet is very expensive, and due to financial reasons

I could not afford to stay on the plan.

From August 2011 to October 2012 I slowly gained back

50 of the 85lbs lost.  Then in October 2012, I went back to

work after being a stay at home mom for MANY years.

I thought going back to work would be better, having

more control over what and when I ate. 

After all, I could only eat what I brought with me.

Every day for lunch I ate a sandwich, no chips.

Sometimes I brought fruit 

(grapes, cantaloupe, honey dew melon, etc.)

or carrot sticks to snack on.  

I did good.

But….. with working, and my daughters cheer, it was always

LATE before I would be able to eat dinner.  

I was usually starving by the time I got home,

 and everyone else has already eaten. 

So I ate things that were quick and easy.

I didn't eat large amounts, 

but my evening choices weren’t always the healthiest.

The weight started piling on.

 I never thought in a million years

 I would ever let myself get to the point I reached.

I felt defeated. 

THEN….